candy candy candy

alley oop, muthafuckaSO!!!!

A good friend just participated in his (what I’m assuming to be) first sexual experience with more than one person. I believe the French call this a “menage a WHA????”

Or maybe that was just my reaction. Does Hallmark make cards for this kind of occasion? They should. I’m tired of having to cross out Congratulations “On Your Graduation” for things like Congratulations “On Your First Orgasm.”

And yes, I actually sent a card out for that once.

I was supposed to be going to NYC this weekend, but after train tickets and hotels and etc.etc.etc.; elle and her man decided they could not afford it. Well, ELLE could, but her MAN could not. And elle cannot afford to carry the weight of both payments. Alas. I suppose it’s going to be a cable-and-fast food kind of weekend at home. Maybe I’ll go to the pool.

I am covered with these horrible, swelling bugbites all over my legs. One on my earlobe and one on my jaw particularly itch. It sucks. Stupid bloodsucking skeeters.

Also, MattwithTwoT’s leaves for Alaska on Friday. I am mega-jealous, although I’ve heard there are skeeters the size of F-14’s in Alaska during the summer.


Seeing as Mat doesn’t do “sports,” that leaves me. And, to an extent, I do do sports. I like sports. I definitely have preferences: baseball=good, football=sucks; college basketball=good; pro basketball=sucks. Squash= good. I think.

So for those of you who don’t care, excuse the below few paragraphs:

Anyways, the NBA draft was last night for those of you living under a rock, and out of the top 10 picks, only 3 have significant college experience (or something like that; I could be pulling these numbers out of my ass…) Now, when the top two picks for the draft are both high schoolers, I think something is not right in the world. “Here, you’re 18? Let me give you a few mil, cause you average 15 points a game. So you weren’t alive for Mondale. Fuckit.” Does anyone else see a problem with allowing these children to become professional athletes in their teen years? Basketball players are not like other teen athletes. A lot of these kids did not have private tutors at Wimbledon and the ability to take time off for judo championships, or whatever. They didn’t have equivalent parental support, because these parents worked 3 jobs to feed them. When college is presented to them, they should be ENCOURAGED TO ATTEND. Not flashed money.

These kids are going to take at least 3 years to mature into a worthwhile player, so you have to look at this as an “investment move.” Okay, fine, I can handle that. But then you are gambling on them A) remaining injury-free, B) not getting in trouble with the law and (so much power and money and influence! When I was 18 and was handed that kind of package, I’d be rotting in jail for SOMETHING I did, you can bet on it.) and C) staying with the team that picked them! After a few years of maturing, these kids are just going to become free agents anyway. What the fuck.

You can tell me all you want that this Kwame Brown’s move was a respectable one…. he says he is going straight to the pros to help out his family financially. And yes, that is respectable. But if I were his mother, I’d tell him to do something even more respectable… go to college and get a degree, THEN go to the pros. I could live in semi-poverty for four more years. It would be worth it to me. And then when my son blows his knee out, he can still have a wonderful, lucrative career as an engineer or teacher or artist or poet. Or whatever.

Even when people decide college is not the route for them, very rarely are they handed a few million to play, essentially, a GAME. The majority society works in jobs they probably don’t love, earn just enough money, and can’t afford a whole lot extra. Okay, so these guys have horrible travel schedules, hours of workouts and practices a day, too much time away from family and friends, etc. etc. All I’m saying is, we as a society do not reward firefighters and people that run food banks and EMTs with the same salary as ENTERTAINERS. It amazes me.

I will say for the record that most of these youngsters appear to be respectable human beings. Let’s just hope the NBA doesn’t fuck them up too badly. I wish them luck and maturity beyond their years.



Ha ha, just kidding. But if you want to read something that will make you vomit up blood, read this link:

God’s Hero Disguised a Primo Asshole:

9 Responses to “candy candy candy”

  • editor’s note: at time of print, no snapshots of elle’s jockstrap were available. please accept our deepest appologies. instead, we have provided a becoming shot of her feet.

    *bunions, corns, and calluses were airbrushed due to their nauseating nature*

  • dude, I have CUTE feet. this picture does not even come close to doing my toesies justice.


  • sure you do, tiger….


    and stop calling me “dude”…..:)

  • they are dainty and beautiful.

    is “asshole” better?


  • i like hockey, ay…

    and i like table tennis!

    oh yeah, and bowling rocks…at least playing it

    i am gonna go toss some seeds,

  • bowling DOES rock…

    when are we going bowling?


  • i used to be on my junior high bowling team. let the laughter begin…….now.

  • thats awesome. i wish i was on a bolwing team. or a bowling team.

    lets go right now.

  • i am starting a dc101 bowling team for the fall
    fuck yeah,

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