secret cities of abraham

He Sent Me Flowers From the Freeway

When I was younger I had skinned knees and I had a pink and purple hairbrush that when used, caused my straight hair to fly out silky full of static. And I thought I’d have straight white hair forever and I was very wrong.

Once I called a boy an “asshole” just because I liked the way the forbidden word sounded. And, because he was a boy, and he deserved it. I also hid from the neighborhood bully. She was a more deserving asshole, but I never called her that because she was a girl.

I was scared of the dogs that yipped in high-pitched noises. The smaller ones were scarier, like Chihuahuas. I was in a talent show and I recited a poem in costume, and all the mothers thought I was precious and I thought I was a dork, because what I really wanted to do was a lip sync with the popular girls. My friend’s mom drove a maroon Volvo and I thought it was ugly and now I live in my own maroon Volvo.

My grandmother had very soft upper arms and always had a scarf in her purse for protecting her hairdo and I was amazed. The dresser drawer of photos at my parent’s house still smells like my grandmother even though she was killed 17 years ago.

I should have known.

Top Five

Movie Cliches, Right Now

1. Big-boobied girls running too slow from a killer
2. Really bad sports team faces hardships, wins the championship at the end
3. Business-minded executive realizes there is more to life, like family
4. Men involved with dirty money always Italian
5. Over/Underweight Sidekicks

Songs Involving Some Sort of Substance Abuse, Right Now

1. White Rabbit- Jefferson Airplane
2. One Bourbon, One Scotch, One Beer- George Thorogood and the Destroyers
3. Mamas and Papas- The Mamas and Papas (Papa’s started drinking/And mama’s got to thinking…)
4. Anything by Cypress Hill
5. Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds- Beatles; and early beatnik-jazz

Thoughts, Right Now

1. I want to move to Tahiti
2. Cranberry Juice
3. Pedicure
4. Buy Stuff
5. Money money money
6. No email from him he might be dead dead dead so much attention he
needs I don’t have the energy dead in a gutter dead dead no
sympathy dead dead dead save him dead no email in a week


I went to Starbucks and I recognized someone, he was a friend of a roommate of a friend back in Harrisonburg days, now working in his green apron. He was flirting with another guy who looked nothing like his type, an ugly guy with an annoying voice and dumb jokes. and I wanted to sit his cute flamboyant pierced-nose ass down and look into his eyes and say “you can do so much better than that. You are a vibrant young nubile homosexual. Be true to yourself.” But maybe he couldn’t, or maybe the unattractive guy he was flirting with was a really really nice guy, and I like unattractive nice people scoring with good-looking people. So I got my caramel frappucino and waved and left.

Last Night

Last night I was trying to compare my platonic friendships with males to Sig Other’s platonic friendships (and when I say platonic I mean PLATONIC, not even touching, uncomfortable hugging, etc.) with females and then we both realized he has at least tried to kiss all of them. Even if he wasn’t always successful.

And he said when I finally explode, and leave him, and I go through Relationship Divorce Proceedings he just KNOWS I will try to squeeze him for all he’s worth. Oh, and I laughed and laughed and laughed til tears came, because I was lying on his bed and looking around his room. What I’d get from him is:

* a CD rack that doesn’t stand up on it’s own, so it’s bolted to the wall,
* a Darth Vader phone that talks and spins it’s head and flashes red light eyes instead of ringing,
* a hollow lamp filled with action figures,
* a disco bike helmet and a subscription to CMJ,
* a teeshirt that says “Black to the Future” and with a caricature of Darrell Green on the front
* a home-made entertainment center
* a poster of the Simpsons

All he would take from me is my fish. And that would be mean and horrible, he would not allow visitation. I let him know they usually give custody to the mother. He let me know, not usually in cases where the mother is fucked up in the head.

That is his material worth. If I did ever Divorce him, I would be hollow and an empty shell of a woman, but I still might take his Darth Vader phone. And definitely the tee shirt If I had wanted expensive stuff, I would have hooked up with a Finance major who drives a mustang and gels his hair and wears tight black tee shirts.

A lot of times, words just don’t make sense in my head. Sometimes posts like this happen as a result. Crack tastes like strawberry chalk, I’m pretty sure. Only one “fuck” used this whole entry!

…that boy, that boy, he was following me around like a virgin at a rodeo…

3 Responses to “secret cities of abraham”

  • A moose? For me? OH MY!!! FANCY!

  • oh, deez, however could I doubt The Family. I will not spill your fathers secrets. i take it all back.

    “so mysterious!”

    i miss you, and how! you need to come to NoVa more often. Or once.

  • Unfortunately, the Italians with dirty money is shamefully NOT a cliche. Have you met Tina and Pat? Or perhaps the head of the Ritz crime family. Really elle…and how!

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