i burned my finger on steam

About Careers

So, yes, like any other worker bee my age, I often feel like I am trapped in the flick Office Space. An office is a fascinating study on human behavior. Every person has kind of a code as to how they are supposed to act. PS to all this, work has been especially f-ing busy this week. I am considering going to Caribbean and becoming a bartender. Then I could instead compare my life to Cocktail. But then, I wouldn’t be writing here anymore, I’d be drinking heavily all day long.

Designer
Most designers have large, expensive looking calendars coming out of every drawer or shelf in their office. For some reason, paper companies and printers court you through calendars. Calendars everywhere. Instead of pictures of their wives/husbands and kids (designers don’t have these because they can’t afford them), most designers have huge full color pictures of G4 flatscreens or any other new Mac software/hardware they don’t have but want. Designers salivate over these. It’s a special brand of designer porn. Also gracing a typical designer’s office are never-opened annuals, lots of things with KITSCH value (Barbie posters, World War II era hula-girl lamps), and some kind of pretentious imported British music “you wouldn’t understand.” Personality: lazy and easily hurt by criticism. Never shows up to work on time.

Programmers and/or MIS
First of all, MIS can kiss my ass. They wear braided leather belts and three or four pagers, and converse high tops and drive red sports cars and generally PISS ME OFF. They also carry with them mad attitude and a feeling that everyone else is much, much stupider than themselves, and computers break only because of the retards attempting to work them. Their offices consist of PILES of blank CDs, computer parts, ham radio parts, books on building bombs, and Star Wars/superhero figurines of various size/importance. Personality: shit.

Accounts/Finance
Office décor: dying plants, pink and yellow forms, Jon Secada CDs, picture of their cat. Personality: Usually talking about last night’s Ally McBeal and/or none.

Sales/Business Development
Continually and consistently perky, until they get on the phones with their spouses. Most are in the process of divorce. Usually wearing suits, slicked back hair. Can sell anything to anyone, have perfected the “Hey Buddy Pal” slap on the back, often make a gun with their finger and pretend to shoot you because you are SUCH GOOD FRIENDS LIKE THAT! Office décor: Framed office awards and plaques, stress balls with company logo.

About Air Conditioning

It was on a Saturday in July, that much I’m pretty sure of. I spent most Saturdays of that summer feebly attempting to soak in as much culture as I possibly could, I knowing no matter how much I accomplished it would still be a stunning favor. It just wasn’t enough.

Oh yeah, and it was hot. Really hot. And we had been walking and walking. The Coliseum was a relief only because of the shade it provided. Stories of gladiators and lion fights didn’t impress me as much as learning about the ancient Roman system of air conditioning. At the top of the Coliseum, there is a ring of poles. Back in the day (the day being, oh, thousands of years ago) the poles would have a white tarp attached to them, and kind of like a sail, a roof of sorts would be raised over the crowd, attached at the top and the floor of the building, covering the bleachers, giving shade. The MCI Center is not nearly so creative.

PS

I think Sig Other was the child star in Ewok: Return to Endor, but I don’t have the proof.

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