The things no one ever told me…

There are so many things that while we’re “growing up” no one ever tells us. I’ve understood this for a while now. I mean of course we learn something new every day, we learn a little more about ourselves and understand the people around us gradually. We either accept these things or we fight them, I’m trying not to fight this.

No one ever told me when I was growing up that there would be times that I wouldn’t be able to sleep because stress will keep me tossing and turning. There wasn’t someone there pounding it into me that fear will at one point or another encompass myself, and or those around me. Regret, as useless of a feeling as it may be, was not something I was aware was so powerful. Guilt, also a feeling that was there – but not as prominent as one could think. These feelings are parts of me that envelope me, whether they be good or bad, I never knew.

Last nite, I slept for about two full hours. I had nitemares, I had dreams, I had phone calls in the middle of the nite, but most importantly: I had too many thoughts to shut off.

I know that this is a normal thing, that life isn’t as peachy and wonderful as we’d like to think. I know that this is hard, that living life is not easy, but why didn’t someone shout it out to me? I’m sure I wouldn’t have listened, in fact I never do. At least then, I think I’d have something entirely false to blame and for some reason that is comforting. More so than actually having to blame myself for not realizing these things sooner.

Did anyone ever tell you how to file your taxes? How to take out a mortgage loan, or buy a car or get your electricity in your first apartment turned on? These things are all trial and error, I understand that – but are they not the most important things that you do in your daily life? I don’t know about finance charges, I don’t know about FCC charges on my cable bill, I didn’t know these came with the territory. I don’t know why my heater in my apartment made these hissing noises as if a beast were breathing inside of my bed, there isn’t anyone to tell me why. Who told you how to register to vote? These things are so simple, yet the information is so coveted until when? We’re ready? Until, we don’t realize we need these simple things in our lives?

Who is it that has all of the answers to relationships? Did anyone tell you that you might not have the same friends in adulthood as you did when you were a kid. I happen to be an exception to that rule, so far. Did anyone tell you that loving someone would be so complicated, that falling in love with someone might mean losing a part of yourself. No one told me that there may be a time when it just isn’t right to let yourself go and fall. When you do find an inclination of love in a relationship, do you hold onto that at any cost – no matter how much it may hurt you? Who knows these things?

I’m searching for the answers. Slowly, I am finding them. Finding the answers to all of these things are definitely at a certain cost. “That’s an expensive lesson, but that’s what life is.” These lessons are never easy, never clear, and never set. Say it with me my friends, “No one ever told me.”

9 Responses to “The things no one ever told me…”


  • I am so with you…why the fuck did we have to have physical education or shit like that when we could have had Taxes 101 or 401k to the Max.

  • K, don’t I know THAT feeling.

    And just when you think you’ve mastered something, anything, along comes more situations to remind you just how much you don’t know about life.

    Sometimes I just want to curl up under fluffy blankets and watch bad TV all day.

    hugs,
    miranda

  • Waaaah,Waaaah, Waaaaah,Boooo Hoooo,Hoooo!
    People have been telling you all along about your bills, about relationships, and about lifes trials. You`ve just been too busy watching Felicity, and thinking that the tooth fairy will wave her wand, and everything will be just peachy. Welcome to adulthood.

    P.S. The FCC charge on your cable bill is just me saying that I want more money. Just keep paying it and nobody gets hurt. See you next billing cycle.
    Forever in your life
    GOD

  • Well…Ted strikes again – always when I need you you’re there.

    I’ll be taking life as it comes, esp. in re: to the FCC charges, thanks.
    love
    Kristen

  • Ted–as accurate as you might be, you’re pretty harsh, man. What’s up with tha negetive vibes?

  • >>No one ever told me when I was growing up that there would be times that I wouldn’t be able to sleep because stress will keep me tossing and turning. There wasn’t someone there pounding it into me that fear will at one point or another encompass myself, and or those around me. Regret, as useless of a feeling as it may be, was not something I was aware was so powerful. Guilt, also a feeling that was there – but not as prominent as one could think. These feelings are parts of me that envelope me, whether they be good or bad, I never knew.
    Last nite, I slept for about two full hours. I had nitemares, I had dreams, I had phone calls in the middle of the nite, but most importantly: I had too many thoughts to shut off.
    ********

    you got problems, dont let life stress you out so much, what the fuck does it matter?
    if you try to relax and you still cant, ou got too much shit going on you cant handle. deal with it. move to a smaller city. do heavy drugs, dont complain! cause everyone can do something!

    an noone told me that my dad wasn’t supoosed to rape me when i was 4 till 12, now i have to deal with this. dont complain caus eyou have NO problems next to alot of ther people.

  • for the record, buddy, i’m the only one allowed to mercilessly pick on K on message boards, because it’s done with love. you, sir, need to get some love before you can spew the hate. i didn’t even think her post was that whiny to begin with, especially considering her situation, more philosophical. but i digress. please quit it with the unnecessary roughness.

  • At first, I wasn’t going to even subject myself to more of this and wanted to write you (tinkle) personally, and not in a forum.

    First of all, Tinkle – you have no clue as to how my life has been – whether I’ve been fed with a silverspoon or if I’ve had to watch someone sell their body to keep a roof over my head. You don’t know me and to make assumptions that my problems are any less than others is as presumptious as my supposed complaining.
    Move to a smaller city? I’ve lived in a smaller city, it’s not the city. I actually wasn’t complaining about bills or anything at all for that matter. As far as my comments on the election if you’ll notice I said ALL of these opinions were my own – not anyone elses. I don’t speak for anyone, but myself in these posts – so if I come off as not caring about other people’s problems – sorry it’s not me that is on the defensive.

  • Isn`t it funny how a little self pity can stir the soup so much.
    A simple point, tongue in cheek, is don`t wallow in it.
    To Tinkle. Just because your painful experiences in life have been traumatic to say the least, dosen`t mean hers are non-existent.
    To Mat. Feel your own funk!
    To AL. Bite me! Let me get this straight. You have to love her to spew hate at her. I didn`t know that she was your personal property. She`s a big girl, and has stood up to a lot more in life.

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