don’t eat the cookie dough

ouch!I‘ve been in the hospital for the last few days, and I’ve never felt so out of touch with reality! No internet. No cable TV. No long distance phone calls. No sleep. No newspapers. No toothbrush. No caffeine!!

What am I talking about? What hospital fiasco? When? This is where my story begins. Get a nice cup of coffee, sit back, and enjoy….

Thursday, January 11th – about 7 pm. I’m in the kitchen making chocolate chip cookies, and me being me, I can’t keep myself from eating some of the raw cookie dough. Yum!!!!

Friday, January 12 – mid afternoon I start to get really painful pains in my stomach. I pass it off as bad gas from lunch’s “worst ever” pizza. 5 o’clock comes and it’s time to take off for Washington, D.C. The pain gets more intense during the drive. I assume it’s due to the bad bad lunch and long drive down. I get there safely. But, as it gets later into the night, the pain intensifies. It feels like really really bad gas. And I start burping, too.

Saturday, Sunday, Monday The pain continues, the gas continues, the burping continues. I present to you Evidence Exhibit A. The pain gets worse at night, just before sleepy time. I try various “gas relief” medications. They didn’t help too much.

Tuesday, January 16 – mid-day Go to work as usual. I ask a few people there about stomach pain and gas (i.e. what to do about it) and I get various suggestions. I call my doctor just to be safe.

Tuesday – evening I go shopping at the Gap. I use all six of my monthly 50% discounts. Then I tell them I’m quitting. “No, not two weeks from now. Today. Tonight. And besides, I’ve got to get to a doctor’s appointment, so I can’t work tonight anyway.” I leave the mall and decide not to grab any food, thinking I’d eat dinner after the doctor’s visit. Boy, was I wrong!

Tuesday – night The doctor thinks I’ve got either Pelvic Inflammatory Disease or Appendicitis. I have never had such an unnerving doctor’s visit. PID is ruled out after numerous examinations, and Appendicitis it is. He tells me to go to the Emergency Room and have some blood tests.

Blood tests!?!?! I hate needles! I pass out when I give blood – so much so that the Red Cross told me not to donate blood anymore. Needles skeeve me out!

So, the test comes back positive. Positive in the fact that my white blood cell count is eleveated – they’re fighting off something in there. I’m admitted to the emergency room around 10 pm, after already having been at the hosptial for 2 hours.

I have to drink this nasty radioactive juice that will illuminate my insides two hours later during the CAT scan. The CAT scan shows nothing – the radioactive junk didn’t move in my system yet. They’ll do another one in the a.m. So we wait around a while – until 4 am or so – so they can admit me to the hospital and put me in a room.

One of the hospital gods decides that I shouldn’t be allowed to eat or drink ANYTHING, so they have to give me an IV. An IV?!?!?!? NOOOO!!!!! After 30 minutes of me crying and whining, I am convinced that this is for the best. So, they start looking for a vein (the word alone skeeves me out!) and my adrenaline starts pumping. They find a nice juicy one on the top of my hand, and start poking around. I start to get really hot and clammy. “I’m gonna hurl!” They finish, and I am white as a ghost. (This is how I get whenever blood is taken/given)

Wednesday The second CAT scan shows nothing. Those glowing
substances didn’t move through the night. Since that didn’t work, I’ll be visited by a specialist at some point through the day and more tests will be done tomorrow.

Now I get to meet the roomate. She was the sweetest old woman, but you’d never know the first time meeting her. She had more curse words than I did phone calls (thanks for calling everyone!) and noises stranger than I’ll ever hear again.

I start going through caffeine withdrawl (I told them this would happen) and catch a migrane. I toss and turn and clench my teeth until the doctor approves some medicine for it. And a Coke – just to keep me happy.

Wednesday evening The specialist visits 5 minutes after the rest of my family arrives. He pokes me some more. These doctors – they just love poking my stomach and ribs! He asks some questions. “Have you eaten anything weird in the last few days? Raw meat? Eggs? Anything spicy?” Etc, etc, etc. A few minutes later, I remember the cookie dough and bring up the fact that I ate some of it raw. “Ah ha… Sounds like we’ve got some salmonella poisoning. We’ll do some x-rays tomorrow morning and that should get rid of the appendix theory. But until then, only clear liquids.”

Early Thursday Morning I fell asleep with the TV on. I wake up to the Craig Kilborn show. The nurse is coming in to take my vital stats. “Opus?! Opus?!! I know him!!” I tell the nurse. She nods her head and continues with my blood pressure. She tries asking me questions, but I’m too busy watching Opus on TV.

Thursday – 9:30 am I go up for X-rays. X-rays in which I’ll have to drink thicker, more radioactive substances than the day before. I dread this. They do a test shot to make sure the batch from Wednesday has cleared my system. Whaddya know?!? The first batch finally moved, and lit up that x-ray like a mother! Guess what?!?!? That means no more x-rays today, no more radioactive milkshakes for me to drink!

Thursday – 11 am The nurses tell me I’ll have to wait for my doctor to visit and decide what’s next. “He’ll be up soon – he’s finishing up with surgery now”. They unhook the IV from the bag, but leave it in my hand. I am starving, and left with nothing to do and nothing to watch. They do, however, give me a Coke! Yay!

Thursday – 12 noon Lunch time. Ha! Beef broth (yuck!) and no doctor yet. Only soaps and people’s court are on tv. Damn!!!!

Thursday – 1 pm Still no doctor. I’m waiting for the nurse to bring me some chicken broth after I complained about the beef broth.

Thursday – 2 pm No soup. No doctor. No TV.

Thursday – 3 pm No doctor. No soup. Cartoons on TV. I convince my dad of how starving I am. He disappears, and comes back with red jello and some crackers that he hid in this pockets. Crackers!!! Real food!!

Thursday – 4 pm “Where the hell is the doctor?!?! It’s been 5 hours!!!!” The nurses know I’m no longer in pain – most likely by the incredibly antsy tendancies I’m now displaying. Mom calls. She’s caught in traffic, but is on her way over to visit. She’ll bring some magazines and crafty things for me to pass the time with. Allright!

Thursday – 5 pm I’m starving!!!! Still no doctor, still no soup.

Thursday – 5:30 pm Doctor comes in. Pokes me a few times. Tells me I can go home. He’s pretty sure it’s not my appendix – just an infection to my colon. He’ll release me to go home, but I have to follow up next week for that set of x-rays just to check on things. I can either have dinner at the hospital, or at home. I choose home. Real food, here I come!

Thursday – 5:45 pm Mom walks in with a bag full of goodies for me. I’m dressed and ready to go, with an IV still in my hand. We’re waiting for the nurse to take it out. The chicken soup arrives. We send it back.

Thursday – 6 pm I’m on my way home. We just picked up my first real meal that I’ll be enjoying up for the first time in 3 loooong nights.

Thursday Night I slip into a nice long shower – somehting I haven’t been able to do for a few days now. I get on the computer – something I really really missed. I veg out on the couch. Ahhh, it’s good to be home.

The lesson? DO NOT EAT RAW COOKIE DOUGH! Got it?

4 Responses to “don’t eat the cookie dough”


  • Eek!! I totally feel your pain, Jessica. I loathed hospitals before I had to be in one for a week. I was scared to death of needles and would shake after they put one in me, but after that week I`d been stabbed so many times by them that I was used to it (but still HATED them)..apparently it`s hard to get into my veins. And I was in complete Internet withdrawl as well, my typing skills were off when I got home. And now that I think about it (I`ve tried to block out a lot of my hospital stay, and I don`t like forgetting anything), I did have to drink a radioactive drink before x-rays, but it was like bad-tasting water. But thank goodness you`re OK again and back home.

  • Jess. You have no idea how lucky you are. Well , maybe you do but i’m gonna tell my story anyway. A friend of mine got the salmanila back in high school and went through the same ordeal only his got out of controll and infected thus cousing an allergic reaction and sending his immune system into reclusion. Long story short, two years later he still had problems and he had swelled up to what looked like a teen version of a sumo wrestler. I saw him out one day and didn’t recognize him until he told me who he was. scary stuff. Glad your better/back.

  • my golly gosh! whatta story! glad you’re alright. i didn’t hear anything about this stuff all week. hadn’t seen you on the BBS for a while and figured you were just away or busy w/ somethin’. crazy. this really gives me something to think about, next time my mom’s bakin’ cookies and i just won’t stop pickin’ raw dough while she’s not lookin’. wow. food for thought. thanks for the tip! for the first time i’m actually taking it to heart. wow.

  • There is a type of egg that you can buy… they come in little milk-carton-four-ounce-dealies and they are already pasteurized eggs, so you can eat the raw cookie dough with no fear of sickness. Although I’m a few days late… I felt compelled to share this valuable information with you.
    -one raw cookie dough lover to another

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