DC Metro Rules #24, #67 & #194

#24: Do not be a stubborn asshole and continue bouncing your basketball in the Metro train like it’s your god-given right after being politely asked to stop and after 95% of the train is glaring at you to stop.

#67: When getting ready to sit down in a seat next to someone in the window seat, that person should theoretically scoot over thus leaving room for the person hoping to sit in the aisle seat. In an ideal world this person attempting to sit in the aisle seat should not have either leg pushed up against the side of the seat cutting off circulation in leg. People like this who commit crimes like this should be beaten mildly.

#194: When sitting down next to someone reading the paper, one should not open the paper larger than the width of a standard size news paper. Learn to fold the newspaper. Folding is your friend. This isn’t your kitchen. Don’t spread out. DC is only 68 square miles large. There are 600,000 people living here. And all the people from the ‘burbs flock there during rush hour. Needless to say, we get pretty close and personal on the Metro at times. ..And I swear if you gave me a paper cut I would have opened a can of whoop-ass on the Metro this morning.

4 Responses to “DC Metro Rules #24, #67 & #194”


  • Dude, you need a cookie! So much violence!

  • It’s ironic you put this metro post here today. I was going to do a little write up about these lazy assholes that can not carry the weight of their briefcase, backpack or laptop and feel the need to have it on wheels with one of those pull handles. They take up too much space not to mention, in a crowd, they tend the trip people and just get in the way in general. How fucking lazy have we all become. If you have some sort of a medical condition that restricts you from carrying a 10 Lb bag, you’re exempt from this whole thing just aggravates me to no end!

  • In their defense, there are those that *are* traveling to and from Union Station. That is acceptable. But yeah, otherwise I feel your pain.

  • I totally HATE how people try to board the train without letting people get off first! WTF is that!!?? They can see me standing in the doorway can’t they!? I’m pretty sure I haven’t become randomly invisible. *sheesh*

    Still, I do heart the DC Metro…it’s so pretty and shiny and nice-smelling and easy-to-figure-out. 😛 It’s so way nicer than the Montreal, Toronto, Detroit, Philadelphia, San Francisco, LA and Frankfurt systems. Though it is a bit pricey.

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