i am the only smart one left

I usually do not submit twice.

I take off work last Friday to get a tuberculosis test done. I probably haven’t had one of these in 10 years, I need it for a physical for some volunteer work I’m doing. I get the shot, the nurse says to come back next week to pick up the forms, once they determine I am TB-less. Next Week arrives. I am busy. I have to work. My car is in disrepair. I have water aerobics class. I pick up the Boyfriend. I watch Real World. I’ve got shit to accomplish. I do not return on Monday. I do not return on Tuesday. I do not return on Wednesday. On Thursday morning, I go to the Doctor’s office to pick up my forms, which RIGHTFULLY belong to ME since I BROUGHT THEM IN ON FRIDAY AND I FUCKING KNOW I DO NOT HAVE TUBERCULOSIS. The receptionist cannot find my papers. She confers with a nurse. The nurse tells me since I did not return within 72 hours, the TB test they gave me is invalid. I have to get it redone. My insurance will not pay for two tests. I will have to pay to have it redone. The receptionists are shocked at my irresponsiblity. It is 9:35 am, I am late for work. I am angry. They did not tell me I had to be in Monday, just next week. I am not a health care professional. I do not know the intricacies of TB tests. . The receptionists continue to look at me and talk to me as if I am a mentally challenged preschooler. One asks me if this is a physical for a high school sports team. I sneer at her. She is the kind of person that makes me want to stab myself in the eyes with red-hot pokers covered in syphilis. They ask me if I want to reschedule for another TB test next Tuesday. They can only do TB tests on Tuesdays. Their office hours are 9-5, closed from 12-2 for lunch. Their office is 30 minutes away from my place of employment. I can’t do this on my lunch break. I cannot reschedule I tell them I will call as to when I could possibly reschedule. I slam the office door on my way out. When I get to my car, I want my forms. They were my forms, I will simply take them to the County Health Department, or somewhere else with better hours that can schedule me in. I walk back into the office. I ask for my forms. The receptionist tells me she cannot give me my forms. I say “THEY ARE MY FORMS. I BROUGHT THEM IN. The doctor signed off that I am in good health, minus the goddamn TB test, correct? Then you can give me my forms.” The receptionist, again, confers with a nurse. They decide to give me back my forms. There are two accidents on the way from the doctor’s office to my office. Traffic is hideous. I am driving behind an ugly woman in a neon-green VW Beetle, complete with fake flowers in the goddamn dashboard “vase”, and she is going 20 miles an hour with her blinker on. I am behind her for 8 miles. She never turns the damn blinker off.

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