When I turned 20 I think it was a big deal for me. At the time. I was no longer a teenager. I had no excuses. Or so I thought. Little did I know that a lot of my 20s would end up being a series of mistakes – and a few treasures. But I guess you need mistakes to get where you need to be going. Getting older is a little strange for some people. People joke about it. Is it fear? It’s sort of a phenomenon I never really understood. Women never revealing their age. It’s some bullshit if you ask me. But why pay attention to people like that?

I turned 30 this past Friday. My Wife and I gave ourselves new last names. I am proud of my new last name. I now have no excuses. You know as an adult. Strangely in the 10 years since I was 20 I feel like I’ve learned significantly more than when I turned 20 thinking about the past 10 years. I can pretty much remember turning 21 like it was yesterday when I was hanging out with Kelly in Gabe in college drinking beers and playing theremin in someone’s dorm room. I was playing in a band named after Claire Danes. I shit you not. It was a weird time. I had no worries in the world. Other than pretending to figure out my life. It’s hard to think I’ll be a Father pretty soon. It’s something I am ready for. Like we’ve always said, “We need more liberals in this world.”

So turning 30 has made me think more about my mortality. I actually take that back. The possibility of becoming a Father really made me think of my mortality. Ok, getting that life insurance plan was really the kicker. Regardless. There’s something about getting older that makes me feel like I am still 15 listening to the Smashing Pumpkins’ Gish cassette with my broken hinged Sony Walkman covered in duct tape on the bus to school. I know that might not make sense to some people but that’s the way it is.

So in the end, I’ve learned it’s a simple inverse equation about getting older: More responsibility yields less bullshit. And luckily you have the choice to pick whichever you fancy.

And yes, I did notice one new gray hair in my beard and it didn’t phase me. I am the most happy, most satisfied and most relaxed I’ve ever been in my whole life.

9 Responses to “30”

  • Happy B-Day Mat! Funny, I heard Gish this weekend on college radio and thought of you and the old crew. Listening to some silly Ratatattat right now… ever heard them? peace.

  • I can’t wait for the prodigious response you write when the big 40 hits… at 46 my grey outnumbers all hair count combined, my eardrums resemble shoeleather (well-tanned – like Jack Palance’s face) and mortality, well that’s why i moved to the Left Coast and it’s ‘higher’ quality of life.

  • Man. You are old and deep now! Kidding. Happy Belated…from an older friend of 36 and couldn’t agree with you more. I feel great at this age and have no idea what “this age” is supposed to feel like, but I like it alot! Thanks for some wonderful insight.

  • Congratualations for turning 30, and being a daddy! 😀 Imagine how more relaxed you will feel when you’re 31, oh wait, you’ll be stressed out of your mind cuz you have a kid… hahahaha, no seriously though. I think you’ll feel so BLESSED Matt. You’re already blessed now, and God has nothing but more blessing for you and Emily.

  • happy birthday mat, as a fellow new member to the 30 club, I struggled with losing my 20’s, there were some good times in there. But at the same time, I have learned to be comfortable in my skin.

    Good luck to you as a new father, I know that you are going to do great. We are doing our best out here to bring up some more liberals as well.

    Anyway, cheers!

  • I totally, totally hear you, and I could not agree more. Especially the “There’s something about getting older that makes me feel like I am still 15 listening to the Smashing Pumpkins’ Gish cassette with my broken hinged Sony Walkman covered in duct tape on the bus to school.” Gods, yes. Even though, I’m a few years younger, so it was the Smashing Pumpkins’ Siamese Dream for me, but still. Same broken hinged Sony Walkman, pressing my face against the glass of the school bus window and rocking out in my own little world. (A lot of times the headphones were taped up too!)

    Happy birthday, Mister Man, and so so much love to you and your happy little family. We are living incredible dreams right now, all of us.

  • Happy B-Day.. i should have remembered yours was coming up haha. Mine was the 5th.. i turned 28. I’m getting closer to that 3-0.

    I i know what you mean when looking back at age 20 or 18. Hell at 25 i realized i knew significantly more than the “i had figured out everything” age of 20. And now at 28, i look at what i knew at 25, and can’t believe how much i didn’t know then. I guess this goes on infinitum.

    I’ve been getting stealth, white/grey/clear hairs on my head for a couple of years now. I never really notice it until the light hits one just right. I do have to say i’m not exactly ready though to completly just not care about it though ;).

  • Happy belated birthday! Keep rockin’ the Gish like it’s nobody’s biz.

  • I bet the simple equation of growing older is:

    nostalgia for gish cassettes = fountain of youth

    Happy birthday, homie. Great to catch up with you last weekend.

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