burning in water. drowning in flame.

hank. (13k image)i‘ve got the whole world in my hands. well, not really….i live in my own little world. i’m extremely self involved….and yet, overbearingly considerate of others. the only problem i have is that i’m not too concerned about worldly matters. one would think that you should have opinions about iraq. or bush. or whatever else is going on in and around this land. i suppose you should. opinions are wonderful. i like when i have them. and i like that others have them, as well. this is what makes the world go round.

however, i have very few opinions about those topics. i don’t understand a lot of what goes on in this world. not because i am an idiot….but because i just do not understand. i don’t know what it’s like to feel so strongly about an issue that i must gather with a group of people who feel the same way….and go protest in washington. i don’t know what it’s like to disagree so vehemently that i start petitioning and boycotting abortion clinics. it’s not that i don’t have values or ideas or convictions….it’s just that i really have a hard time feeling that i need to convey those opinions to others. even for the sake of conversation.

i don’t like to talk about politics. mostly because i don’t care. i don’t vote….but i don’t bitch about the government, either. i’m a bad american. i know i have no right to complain, as i do not try to change this system we live in. really, most of the people i’ve come in contact with who speak about politics often irritate me. maybe it’s the self righteousness….maybe it’s the way that they are so sure about what they believe….but it’s probably that they rarely change their minds about things…and therefore, are closed minded about other ideas that aren’t theirs. which all leads to silly and pointless arguments or debates. mental masturbation.

i would’ve been a horrible hippie. i don’t have a cause to stand behind. i don’t believe in any movements. i am not a spiritual person. i don’t believe in american family values. i feel so out of touch with the world around me….and yet, i don’t really care to change any of this. i am not happy, nor am i sad. while i feel there is so much to be done in this world, i sit here type meaningless bullshit for others to read.

now, this is not by any means a sad post. i am not depressed. i am just feeling utterly honest tonight. i don’t feel bad about any of this. i live a perfectly happy middle class existence. and while that could be a good thing….i also know that all of my heroes were not of the same background. i know that most likely, i will not go on to wonderful greatness like i had thought when i was a teeneager. i will not be the next charles bukowski. i will not be the next hank williams. i will not be the next stanley kubrick. and tomorrow i will wake up and go to work knowing all of this and go on.

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