warrant

my back is getting better I�m starting a cult, it sounds like fun and I need a hobby. It�s kind of like a club! If I had a treehouse, we could meet there. With a sign that says �Members only!) Also, the kids in my neighborhood look bored just riding their bikes in circles around my court. So I�m going to invite them to join too.)

Application to Join the Cult of Personality (Ho ho, is that a good joke! The name, anyways, is up in the air- I haven�t thought that far ahead. I will definitely take suggestions, I mean, after all, since you people will be following my every word and action since I will be the Grand High Priestess of this cult, the least I can do is let you have some input into our name. And pleas,e don�t you worry about a thing, I will be a very nice leader and won�t even set you on fire! Until the end, that is.)

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Name:

Age: (circle one) Young Medium Old

Eye color:

(This is very important, I�m toying with the idea of separating everyone by eye color rather than sex or race. Kind of like those wicked �social� projects in elementary classrooms in the 1960s that they taped, and now make every high schooler in America watch to teach a lame and underappreciated lesson in stereotyping. I think I was making out with the baseball players in the boys bathroom while they showed it in my Governemnt class. PSYCH OH I SO DID NOT JUST GO THERE YES I DID!!!!!)

Robe size:

(I�m thinking pink, I�m a Spring and look good in Pink. But it has to be a very certain shade of pink, a WARM pink. I�m also a warm, with gold undertones)

Head Circumference:

(Again, this is for hats. I feel with pink robes, we may be mistaken for Hare Krishnas, or Buddhist monks or something, nd I don�t want that. Since they shave their heads, the opposite of that is to either grow our hair rilly long or the hat thing. I�m not a fan of split ends, and growing hair takes a long time. I considered weaves, but then you have weave tracks. Right now I�m leaning towards ski masks. Or portrait hats, like bridesmaids wore in the seventies. Purple, maybe. Organza, definitely.)

Choose One: Staff Trident Fairy Wings

(Please note: Fairy wings must be fake. I do not condone the killing of fairies, faeries, or EVEN faeryes for the purposes of our cult. Thanks)

Past Cult Experience: Please list any past cults you belonged to and your reasons for leaving.

Where I Can Reach You: Cults don�t really want to know about you, so no phone numbers or addresses. Email addresses are perfectly acceptable, or websites. The internet is a friend of any cult!)

Essay: Entrance into my cult is EARNED, not given. I like intellectuals, after all, hanging around with smart people is always a good idea! So, please choose a cult listed below, and write a complete and concise 5 paragraph essay on the history and basic tenets of belief of this cult. Single space.

Chen Tao (God Saves the Flying Saucer Cult)
Rocky Mountain Spiritual Emergence Network
Foundation Church of the Divine Truth (this is a local, DCers!)
The Smurfs

*NOTE: GOTH IS NOT A CULT. PLEASE REFRAIN FROM LISTING GOTH EXPERIENCE AS A SUBSTITUTE FOR CULT EXPERIENCE. CREDITS WILL NOT TRANSFER.

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Ijust remembered, when I was fifteen, I went to a conservative Lutheran retreat. BTW, I am not conservative and neither is my church, we�re a different synod. Anyways, the pastors there held a workshop on cults, and guess what the topic was? MORMONS! Hilarious.

http://www.watchman.org/cat95.htm

S-A-T-U-R-D-A-Y, night

God, a car full of art majors. What gives? Anyways, I had fun even if I was super tired and my crazy back hurt. You�ll be glad to hear it�s getting better though, and I�ll be my old twirling hippie self in no time. And then Daniel and I will run off together in a cloud of pathcouli, to crochet hats and sell them at Phish concerts! Yay, Daniel! EAT THE CHICKEN, Daniel.

Also, Allison is super cute and nice, and Emily is super cute and nice, and Mat is, as always, super cute. Daniel just wouldn�t eat the chicken. My opinion on his super-cuteness, therefore, is to be determined. Allsion should def. move here.

I have an IDEA

I�ve already told Mat and Emily and Allison and Daniel my other new idea, and it did not get the rave reviews I had hoped for. So, I’ve decided it’s time for me to join the pack and do something musically important. So I’ve written a song. I can write! See, these are words I’m typing! So, in the tradition of Denise Rich and Prince, I am so writing lyrics for other people. Now all I need is someone to perform my masterpiece(s). I’m sure there will be more to come, thus the plural.

There are two options here, and I’m willing to work on either. It’s the artists’ discretion. This song could be carried off well as a love “power ballad” (or “monster ballad” as you may prefer.) Also, it could be sung to the tune of Warrant’s Cherry Pie.

The working title is “You’re My Eric Nies”
“You’re my Eric Nies/dancing on The Grind, such a sweet surprise/tastes so good, makes a grown man cry/sweet Eric Nies.”

It’s a work in progress.

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