like a sheep

say 'beer' It’s ugly, that jealousy.

When your best friend gets his own girlfriend, it makes you wince. This is a man’ okay, a boy… who has held your hair when you puked. This is a boy who has told you how he will propose to his future wife, who has seen your granny underwear that’s worn when laundry hasn’t been done in weeks. This is a boy who drove you home at 3 am just so you could take your contacts out and sleep comfortably, this is a boy from whom you stole countless teeshirts to sleep in, a boy who called you to play basketball even though you suck worse then he does, and he’s pretty bad, although you know him well enough that you know he will never admit to being bad. Follow? This is a boy who is comfortable at being bad at basketball around you.

This is a boy who will talk about his family around you when he won’t around anyone else, you’ve actually met his mysterious brother. This is a boy who sends you postcards from the Australian outback, who tells you he misses you, a boy who drops his pants in front of you at random because he thinks his genitalia is funny and shocking, but he does it so much it’s not so shocking anymore. His is a boy who calls to ask what your Mom thinks of the Maryland game, and if she’s around so they can trade opinions. This is a boy who will not be tied down by a woman, never be tied down, because there are simply ‘too many honeys out there that want a piece of this.’ This is a boy who likes sex, a lot of it. This is a boy who makes midnight spaghetti. This is a boy who curses like a sailor. This is a large black man trapped in the body of a small white boy.

This is the boy who did the running man naked in front of you.

A boy who gathered his friends to serenade you with Hootie and the Blowfish, a boy who picked you up when you couldn’t pick yourself up, a boy who kissed you on the forehead goodnight and was blunt when he didn’t like how you were acting (‘Stop being a bitch for one second, just stop, I beg of you.’) This is the boy who was your substitute date for everything when your real love couldn’t make it, who paid when your car got towed, who bought you 40s on a whim. You made this boys cap for him on graduation day, he made you that mix cd of rap you wanted but would never buy. He who gigglingly spied on his roommates with you, who made you listen to his Lil’ Wayne album without laughing’ much.

I admit that I don’t make enough time for certain friends. The real ones, they understand. They live life in separate but similar planes. They know what it’s like to work until 7:00 and not want to do anything but see your bed, cuddle with a certain warm body wearing pajamas and eating cereal. They know that driving even five more miles is five miles to many. They say ‘give me a call whenever.’ They leave messages on your voicemail saying hi and nothing more.

There are other friends who don’t understand that feeling, the one’s who email you five times a day asking what you’re doing that night and if you want to hang out and and and and and and and until you turn into a raging monster and write back in all caps ‘I AM BUSY I WILL EMAIL YOU WHEN I AM NOT PLEASE JUST LEAVE ME ALONG FOR ONE WEEK.’ It doesn’t mean you don’t love them, it honest-to-god means you are too tired of life to do anything with them that night. That, and your inbox can only handle so much.

Then there are the friends that don’t call anymore at all, the ones that call purposely during your lunch hour, sheepish because they know. That boy that hasn’t forgotten; but has suddenly bloomed into something that doesn’t involve you, and that hurts mostly because EVERYTHING before now involved you. To employ a really shitty clich’, it’s like a little birdy leaving the nest.

When you’ve had something all along, the same warm body in that bed every night

So, what happens when your best friend gets a significant other of his own, and suddenly you aren’t his number one girl anymore? I’m jealous when I should be simply happy.

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