There are so many things that while we’re “growing up” no one ever tells us. Iâ€™ve understood this for a while now. I mean of course we learn something new every day, we learn a little more about ourselves and understand the people around us gradually. We either accept these things or we fight them, Iâ€™m trying not to fight this.
No one ever told me when I was growing up that there would be times that I wouldnâ€™t be able to sleep because stress will keep me tossing and turning. There wasnâ€™t someone there pounding it into me that fear will at one point or another encompass myself, and or those around me. Regret, as useless of a feeling as it may be, was not something I was aware was so powerful. Guilt, also a feeling that was there â€“ but not as prominent as one could think. These feelings are parts of me that envelope me, whether they be good or bad, I never knew.
Last nite, I slept for about two full hours. I had nitemares, I had dreams, I had phone calls in the middle of the nite, but most importantly: I had too many thoughts to shut off.
I know that this is a normal thing, that life isnâ€™t as peachy and wonderful as weâ€™d like to think. I know that this is hard, that living life is not easy, but why didnâ€™t someone shout it out to me? Iâ€™m sure I wouldnâ€™t have listened, in fact I never do. At least then, I think Iâ€™d have something entirely false to blame and for some reason that is comforting. More so than actually having to blame myself for not realizing these things sooner.
Did anyone ever tell you how to file your taxes? How to take out a mortgage loan, or buy a car or get your electricity in your first apartment turned on? These things are all trial and error, I understand that â€“ but are they not the most important things that you do in your daily life? I donâ€™t know about finance charges, I donâ€™t know about FCC charges on my cable bill, I didnâ€™t know these came with the territory. I donâ€™t know why my heater in my apartment made these hissing noises as if a beast were breathing inside of my bed, there isnâ€™t anyone to tell me why. Who told you how to register to vote? These things are so simple, yet the information is so coveted until when? Weâ€™re ready? Until, we donâ€™t realize we need these simple things in our lives?
Who is it that has all of the answers to relationships? Did anyone tell you that you might not have the same friends in adulthood as you did when you were a kid. I happen to be an exception to that rule, so far. Did anyone tell you that loving someone would be so complicated, that falling in love with someone might mean losing a part of yourself. No one told me that there may be a time when it just isnâ€™t right to let yourself go and fall. When you do find an inclination of love in a relationship, do you hold onto that at any cost â€“ no matter how much it may hurt you? Who knows these things?
Iâ€™m searching for the answers. Slowly, I am finding them. Finding the answers to all of these things are definitely at a certain cost. “Thatâ€™s an expensive lesson, but thatâ€™s what life is.” These lessons are never easy, never clear, and never set. Say it with me my friends, “No one ever told me.”