Monthly Archive for October, 2001

and tell her, there’s a darkness on the edge of town

arent we all dancing in the dark emufella: this is esmerelda
mat: high!
emufella: hullo
mat: so you and jezebelle are on a date tonite?
emufella: yes and I am making my “poon” debut
emufella: Yes
mat: i like the sound of that!
emufella: I am going to “poon” finishing school
emufella: Yepper
mat: POON ON!
emufella: hnnlodr fhb tseda1⁄2s
emufella: e hjsxehsr
emufella: dhelp
emufella: help
mat: help?
emufella: help
mat: are you being attacked my a cat?
emufella: what naughtiness is oging on here?!?!
mat: i can only imagine
emufella: this is a hijacking
emufella: esmerelda no longer exists
emufella: she has been replaced by the poon monster
mat: dude, i feel like the town tricycle

emufella: (bumps chest)
mat: haha
mat: ape on!
emufella: (slaps chest)
mat: who the hell am i talking to?
emufella: hehehe. you’ll never know!
mat: ok, two can play at this game
mat: Residuum per partes ratas solve!
emufella: acatully, i took latin too.
mat: well?
emufella: so, anyway….
mat: Hic ego uxorem intereo opperiar.
emufella: ok, it was like 12 years ago.
emufella: Here I am… sumthin sumthin?
mat: ego vos hic opperiar ante periar.
emufella: sumthin sumthin before su8mthin
emufella: veni vidi vici
mat: paraumper opperiere me!
emufella: sumthi sumthin me
mat: ecce me!
emufella: to be me?
emufella: ecce homo
mat: eccilliam video!
emufella: no se que to dice
emufella: tu
emufella: je voudrais comprender mais je ne comprends pas
mat: hoc (clarence clemmons rules) non impune feres!
emufella: uh-huh
mat: certum. his egomet oculis vidi.
emufella: yup, the fareas have gone down!
mat: downtown?
emufella: sumthin sunthin yo mama sunthin
mat: (that was latin for “Downtown”)
emufella: uh-huh
mat: the highway’s jammed with power heros
emufella: uh-huh
emufella: so’s yo mama!
mat: in a bag!!!!
emufella: hot damn!
emufella: dang, boy, you must be tired!
mat: with a chance like us, baby we were born to run…
emufella: cuz you been runnin’ thru my mind all day!
mat: man i’m just tired and bored with myself
emufella: here come the poon!
mat: POON ON!
emufella: duh-duh-duh
emufella: why so you so down?
emufella: why’ba be-ba you’ba so’ba down’ba
mat: too many “so”
mat: ba!
emufella: i-ba be-ba mushmoth-ba
emufella: mushmouth-ba
mat: doo doo doo, doo-doo doo doo doo doooooo do

mat: POOTY!
emufella: esmereldaord”
emufella: esmerelda he want to see it or sumthin?”
emufella: hehehe
emufella: naughty girl
emufella: dirty dirty girl
mat: heh.
emufella: amy: “sheee-it”
mat: shit!
emufella: see-ay-it
emufella: shee-ay-it

I made a mix. The last mix a made was for Zut. I never gave it to her. I will give this mix to Morgan.

Title: (yet to be determined)
side a:
motr:: trans am
what do i get:: buzzcocks
kentucky blonde:: lucky guns
get down lover:: jon spencer blues explosion
so lonely:: the police
detroit has a skyline: superchunk
reprovisional:: fugazi
monopoly of your mouth:: the delta 72
shiner:: rodan
outside in:: poster children
complete control:: the clash
safety in numbers:: the rondelles

side b:
bird dream of the olympus mons:: the pixies
make out club:: unrest
venus:: television
superhumans:: the flaming lips
kick out the jams:: mc5
what goes on:: the velvet underground
sometimes:: james
moon sammy:: soul coughing
do you feel bad about it?:: frank black and the catholics
why you wanna treat me so bad?:: prince
far gone and out: jesus and mary chain
roadrunner:: jonathan richman and the modern lovers
don’t eat the yellow snow: frank zappa

poop everywhere

Stories about my family are going to take up at least 1/3 of my book.

My father is a grade A+ freak and so I love him more than anything. Lots of things my father has done explain a lot (GENETICS IS FUN). That and he might be part of the Brotherhood of the Crimson Nape (that is my new favorite JOKE!)

One time when I was in high school my father set up a card table in the middle of the highway and put a sign on it that said “GOLF BALLS $.75 EACH) just like a lemonade stand. Yes, in the middle of a highway. Also, this was near my high school so lots of people I knew saw it, and that is why they think he is a crazy man. Sometimes I have friends that actually tell stories about him at parties, that is how he became more popular than me at my college. Well, that and the time he came to visit me and paraded around campus with a mounted deer head and antlers, but that’s a whole ‘nother round of therapy to be discussed at some other time.

He also rants a lot about how there is no such thing as a “hip hop artist” but usually everyone just ignores him when he does that.

The Tale of the Birdshit and the Hero who Saved Us From It

Anyway, the main story here is that my parent’s house has a big tree right next to the driveway, and so the birds had a really amusing hobby of swooping down and sitting on the side mirrors in order to shit all over my parents cars. Which I always found funny, the cute little birdies and their evil squawking ways had their own birdie bathrooms on the Toyota, that was pretty smart of them. So my father first tied white rags to the side mirrors every night, so it looked like the family vehicles were part of some weird automobile faction of the KKK. And while this embarrassed my mother, she didn’t get too much in a huff about it because our neighbors were either French, or white trash with a big ugly RV and diseased dogs, and she didn’t much care what they thought anyways.

Then my dad bought a stuffed eagle, and set it on the top of my mom’s car. And this sucker was big, too, I mean it was a real stuffed eagle. He thought the eagle would be a good alpha bird and scare away all the little shitter birds. But then one morning my mom left for work and the bird was still on the roof, she forgot about it. So everyone saw her driving down the highway with a giant stuffed bird on top of her car, until it fell off. And Eddie the Eagle was never found again, although I’m thinking he’s probably right out in the ditch somewhere in front of our house, and he would match the aforementioned deerhead nicely if I ever got off my lazy ass and when looking for him.

When the rags and the fake eagle didn’t curtail the shit, my father came to the conclusion that the birds were sitting up in the old, regal oak tree and taking a dump from way up there and still managing to hit the cars. So the man did only what he could do: he chopped the damn tree down.

And that is one of the several times I almost became the child of a broken home.

The end.

PS Doesn’t Mat look cute in his pictures? Like a rockstar? Someone should put out.

PSS I have used three animal pictures in a row, that has to be some kind of record! Bestial WHOOOO!

and you’re talking like the saint on the site of the accident

korinne101: i miss you
mat: i miss you too
korinne101: it’s really cold in here
korinne101: i wish you were here to put tape on the vents