Monthly Archive for March, 2002

pret a porter

Jesus looks just like Kevin Smith! A Letter to my favorite CEO

Dear Mr. Leif Johansson;

Although I have always been told that Volvo’s are cars “built to last”, the past two used Volvo’s I have purchased have been anything but sturdy. While I’m sure many Volvo’s will run forever and reach 200,000 miles +, they must be completely rebuilt cars.

Leif, I tried to keep an open mind. After all, I am riding alongside you in the Scandinavian Brotherhood, as far as I know, us Danes really don’t have a problem with you Swedes. Sure, I mean, there was that whole Viking/terror thing a few years back, but I think you were kind of involved with that too.

Anyways, Leif, I know you don’t know me. You are a wealthy executive, and I would bet my next paycheck that you have a PLETHORA of cars to choose to drive when you leave the manse every morning, that is, if you drive yourself to work. Notice I said I would bet my paycheck, but I can’t, mostly because I am trying to rearrange my bank account so I can finance a nice reliable Honda. I don’t have a paycheck to wager.

Let me give you a quick ‘slice of life:’ My 740 has had over $1,500 work in the past WEEK ALONE. AAA towing is programmed on my cell phone, they are a lovely organization who has towed my 740 over 15 times since I purchased it in 1996. (I have a crush in particular on one guy named Randy who works the DC Emergency services on Tuesday nights, he is super nice and has a cute speech impediment. Hi Randy! Also, Carl on the phone shift in the NoVa office Thursday nights. A shout out to Carl!) I tried to count up how many times this particular vehicle has been towed, I honestly think it’s closer to twenty, but I will give you the benefit of the doubt at 15. It is, in all honesty, no less than that. There was a period in college when it was towed four separate times for four separate problems within a two week period.

Please do not tell me I have bought ‘fluke lemon.’ Also, I KNOW that this car is 15 years old. But someone is spreading vicious lies about your automobiles, that they can last for ’30 years!’ and regularly reach ‘300,000’ miles!’ YAY!!!!

I‘m only writing about my 740 right now, if you want me to write my opinions on the 1984 240 I once owned which nearly got me killed, ruined my brand new stereo system, was totaled mby insurance fuckers, and introduced me to the Loudoun County Court System (guilty, Your Honor) I can do that in a separate letter.

The wiring problems first come first to mind- the 2 Volvo’s I owned have had awful electrical problems; this 740 included a meltdown of sorts several years back that led me to have a man named Norman fix it up with bubble gum wrappers. Also, Norman had bumper stickers all over his garage that said things like ‘let’s run over Hillary Clinton with our Volvos!’ and ‘Guns don’t kill people, I KILL PEOPLE.’ Hooray. Nothing more fun than fearing for your life from a crazed right-winger mechanic. I thought the Volvo was the automobile equivalent of Janis, the free-love hippie life, no?

I am currently in the process of fixing the fuel pump, the pre-pump, relay, and filter, as well as an oil leak. In case you were curious, the mechanic I currently use (my fifth in the Commonwealth of VA, my third in the DC Metro area) had his daughter call me. She feels bad for me, so they are giving me a break on the labor charge to fix the fuel pump. So I only owe them $850 dollars.

Just last week, I replaced the alternator, the battery (which had been running off the alternator) and bushing brackets. That was over $500.

When the car is actually working (rarely) it is comfortable and I have enjoyed it. I giggle when I hear people talk about how safe Volvo’s are- I always feel like I’m in a death trap.

Regarding the dealership I purchased this from: I have concerns I was swindled there. When I purchased it, the odometer read 48,000 miles, a VERY low sum for a car like this, and almost ten years old.

The dealer insisted the vehicle had been used for “city driving only”, and that’s why the mileage was so low. The body of the car was in beautiful shape, and the interior was great as well. However, the brake pedal was quite worn, and with all the various problems I have encountered, I now have concerns that the car’s true mileage was never told to me. The dealer was a balding man named Larry or Phillip or something equally car-salesman-bland, so tracking him down may be a problem. I am sure he has disappeared into the nebulous underground of salesman by now, hiding behind cheap ties, on his way to get another sucker in Houston, Boston, maybe even Canada.

Hey- by the way. I heard you just bought Renault. Good luck with that. I once rented a Renault. I also once ate my own feces and then licked the face of George W. Bush. Comparable situations.

I weep for your 74,112 employees.

Goodbye you bastard,



By the way, go look at this link.

i’ll never look like barbie. barbie doesn’t have bruises.

prince is cooler than you...princeguitar (9k image)Few artists have created a body of work as rich and varied as Prince. During the ’80s, he emerged as one of the most singular talents of the rock & roll era, capable of seamlessly tying together pop, funk, folk, and rock. Not only did he release a series of groundbreaking albums, he toured frequently, produced albums and wrote songs for many other artists, and recorded hundreds of songs that still lie unreleased in his vaults. With each album he has released, Prince has shown remarkable stylistic growth and musical diversity, constantly experimenting with different sounds, textures, and genres. Occasionally, his music can be maddeningly inconsistent because of this eclecticism, but his experiments frequently succeed; no other contemporary artist can blend so many diverse styles into a cohesive whole.

Prince‘s first two albums were solid, if unremarkable, late-’70s funk-pop. With 1980’s Dirty Mind, he recorded his first masterpiece, a one-man tour de force of sex and music; it was hard funk, catchy Beatlesque melodies, sweet soul ballads, and rocking guitar pop, all at once. The follow-up, Controversy, was more of the same, but 1999 was brilliant. The album was a monster hit, selling over three million copies, but it was nothing compared to 1984’s Purple Rain .

Purple Rain made Prince a superstar; it eventually sold over ten million copies in the U.S. and spent 24 weeks at number one. Partially recorded with his touring band the Revolution, the record featured the most pop-oriented music he has ever made. Instead of continuing in this accessible direction, he veered off into the bizarre psycho-psychedelia of Around the World in a Day (1985), which nevertheless sold over two million copies. In 1986, he released the even stranger Parade , which was in its own way was as ambitious and intricate as any art rock of the ’60s; however, no art rock was ever grounded with a hit as brilliant as the spare funk of “Kiss.”

By 1987, Prince‘s ambitions were growing by leaps and bounds, resulting in the sprawling masterpiece Sign o’ the Times . Prince was set to release the hard funk of The Black Album by the end of the year, yet he withdrew it just before its release, deciding it was too dark and immoral. Instead, he released the confused Lovesexy in 1988, which was a commercial disaster. With the soundtrack to 1989’s Batman he returned to the top of the charts, even if the album was essentially a recap of everything he had done before. The following year he released Graffiti Bridge , the sequel to Purple Rain , which turned out to be a considerable commercial disappointment.

In 1991, Prince formed the New Power Generation, the best and most versatile and talented band he has ever assembled. With their first album, Diamonds and Pearls , Prince reasserted his mastery of contemporary R&B; it was his biggest hit since 1985. The following year, he released his 12th album, which was titled with a cryptic symbol; in 1993, Prince legally changed his name to the symbol. In 1994, after becoming embroiled in contract disagreements with Warner Bros., he independently released the single “The Most Beautiful Girl in the World,” likely to illustrate what he would be capable of on his own; the song became his biggest hit in years. Later that summer, Warner released the somewhat halfhearted Come under the name of Prince; the record was a moderate success, going gold.

In November 1994, as part of a contractual obligation, Prince agreed to the official release of The Black Album . In early 1995, he immersed himself in another legal battle with Warner, proclaiming himself a slave and refusing to deliver his new record, The Gold Experience , for release. By the end of the summer, a fed-up Warner had negotiated a compromise which guaranteed the album’s release, plus one final record for the label. The Gold Experience was issued in the fall; although it received good reviews and was following a smash single, it failed to catch fire commercially. In the summer of 1996, Prince released Chaos & Disorder , which freed him to become an independent artist. Setting up his own label, NPG (which was distributed by EMI), he resurfaced later that same year with the three-disc Emancipation , which was designed as a magnum opus that would spin off singles for several years and be supported with several tours. However, even his devoted cult following needed considerable time to digest such an enormous compilation of songs. Once it was clear that Emancipation wasn’t the commercial blockbuster he hoped it would be, Prince assembled a long-awaited collection of outtakes and unreleased material called Crystal Ball in 1998. With Crystal Ball , Prince discovered that it’s much more difficult to get records to an audience than it seems; some fans who pre-ordered their copies through Prince‘s website (from which a bonus fifth disc was included) didn’t receive them until months after the set began appearing in stores. Prince then released a new one-man album, New Power Soul , just three months after Crystal Ball ; even though it was his most straightforward album since Diamonds and Pearls , it didn’t do well on the charts, partly because many listeners didn’t realize it had been released.

A year later, with “1999” predictably an end-of-the-millennium anthem, Prince issued the remix collection 1999 (The New Master) . A collection of Warner Bros.-era leftovers, Vault: Old Friends 4 Sale , followed that summer, and in the fall Prince returned on Arista with the all-star Rave Un2 the Joy Fantastic . — Stephen Thomas Erlewine (allmusic)

i am going to kick you in the pussy, fucker

you got your big jeans, i got my hash pipe - wonder (15k image)sometimes the music is predictable during the day….
leeann does the work force blocks…liked the linkin park block
don’t really care about the million dollar contest…no time to play it at work…
23 year old loves the classic rock with the new
HFS is too new…but 94.7 is too old….DC101 plays a mix
elliot gets to pick his own music, sometimes i don’t know the songs he plays…
likes to hear the news headlines since 9/11
miss the dollar one concerts…too many big concerts, not enough small ones with the newer bands…
traffic is important, but if i really need it, i get it on the 8’s at WTOP…(several people agreed on this)
varitey, variety, variety…love the old and the new…thinks its great to play both. the classics really mix it up…its what makes DC101 successful…the big station…
great afternoon show…good personality and good music…like ballard…(several agree)
love elliot…he’s the best. (universally agreed) hate his laugh….
knows how to walk the line…sometimes he crosses it but thats ok…he’s obnoxious but not too obnoxious…

Fine, just give me one more site! And this shit sucks. Makes Mat very very sad.