I‘ll be back on Sunday.
Monthly Archive for September, 2002
Recently i have been drinking a hell of a lot of water. I drink water when i am at work. In a styofroam cup. I drink in a clear glass at home with ice cubes from the fridge door. In front of the TV. When mixing in Skylab. When chit chatting with Laura. When talking on the phone with Emily. When i stare at the white walls like Mulligan. It’s funny, cos i pee a lot more now too. Like a lot more. It’s interesting. Cos it’s almost like i can feel it going through my body. So it’s almost turned in to this ritualistic and heath thing for me. I like drinking water. I like peeing. I didnt used to like water. It was pretty much “empty” to me. It wasnt chocolate. Dont get me wrong. I still eat and drink chocolate. But i drink water a lot more now. I sure could go for a cold beer right now.
This week has been my hell week. I have them from time to time. But this week has been pretty nuts at work. I havent felt like going out. But i did go out a few times. Last night I went to dinner with Emily and her friend Sean who brought his friend. She was kinda funny and annoying at the same time. She totally was a drama nerd in high school. I am sure she loves Monty Python. And can recite all 100 movies verbatim. Yuan Fu’s rocked me. But on a good note about work, i do have a nice bonus and raise coming soon. But not soon enough.
And this weekend I am going to NY with Emily to see the Father’s side of the family. We’re going to my father’s cousin’s Apple Orchard. They’ve been doing this annually for years now. It’s almost a tradition. Finally i am going. My parents are going too. It will be cool to hang out with them for more than just dinner. It will be nice to breathe in apple air. It will be cool to see my cousin’s again. It will be cool to not be in Maryland for a few days and in my new car. Put some clicks on the ol’ odometer. It sucks it’s Sukkot and B&H is going to be closed. So me and Emily wont be able to shop for a Photo Enlarger. Pooh.
And yeah. I’ve been doing rough mixes of Procyon. The vibes do need to be rerecorded. Sorry Daniel. You are gonna hate me in due time. I can feel it. But at least it will be rocking. Silver Sessions to the max.
i‘ve got the whole world in my hands. well, not really….i live in my own little world. i’m extremely self involved….and yet, overbearingly considerate of others. the only problem i have is that i’m not too concerned about worldly matters. one would think that you should have opinions about iraq. or bush. or whatever else is going on in and around this land. i suppose you should. opinions are wonderful. i like when i have them. and i like that others have them, as well. this is what makes the world go round.
however, i have very few opinions about those topics. i don’t understand a lot of what goes on in this world. not because i am an idiot….but because i just do not understand. i don’t know what it’s like to feel so strongly about an issue that i must gather with a group of people who feel the same way….and go protest in washington. i don’t know what it’s like to disagree so vehemently that i start petitioning and boycotting abortion clinics. it’s not that i don’t have values or ideas or convictions….it’s just that i really have a hard time feeling that i need to convey those opinions to others. even for the sake of conversation.
i don’t like to talk about politics. mostly because i don’t care. i don’t vote….but i don’t bitch about the government, either. i’m a bad american. i know i have no right to complain, as i do not try to change this system we live in. really, most of the people i’ve come in contact with who speak about politics often irritate me. maybe it’s the self righteousness….maybe it’s the way that they are so sure about what they believe….but it’s probably that they rarely change their minds about things…and therefore, are closed minded about other ideas that aren’t theirs. which all leads to silly and pointless arguments or debates. mental masturbation.
i would’ve been a horrible hippie. i don’t have a cause to stand behind. i don’t believe in any movements. i am not a spiritual person. i don’t believe in american family values. i feel so out of touch with the world around me….and yet, i don’t really care to change any of this. i am not happy, nor am i sad. while i feel there is so much to be done in this world, i sit here type meaningless bullshit for others to read.
now, this is not by any means a sad post. i am not depressed. i am just feeling utterly honest tonight. i don’t feel bad about any of this. i live a perfectly happy middle class existence. and while that could be a good thing….i also know that all of my heroes were not of the same background. i know that most likely, i will not go on to wonderful greatness like i had thought when i was a teeneager. i will not be the next charles bukowski. i will not be the next hank williams. i will not be the next stanley kubrick. and tomorrow i will wake up and go to work knowing all of this and go on.