Monthly Archive for February, 2003
this story is two parts. it has no conclusion. it’s a work in progress. it may or may not be fictional. all the names have been changed to protect the interest of the involved parties, if any. the author will not be held responsible for any possible damage done to those who are or are not involved. in other words, this is the only means the author has been able employ to resolve some issues. my sincerest apologies is anyone is bored by the following.
i have this problem that really isn’t a problem. it’s only a problem in my mind. and why is it only a problem to me? well…..basically…..because i’m fucked up. i want something so much….that when it presents itself to me…..i run. i could analyze that for hours….and the only one who would be more uninterested in that than you is me. so just take my word for it. but to get to the point of the matter…..what is a young man to do when he meets two girls he likes within a month of each other? a well-adjusted person would come to some sort of conclusion and make a decision. unfortunately, i am not well-adjusted. i sit and think about this shit over and over. both girls are wonderful…..and probably too good for me on both counts. but i met one before the other….not that it should matter so much…..but i have some sort of feelings for her….which i had expressed to her in my own manner. but due to a lack of actually being near her…..and a shared hesitance to make plans to see each other…..the situation really hasn’t gone much further than a few conversations….and countless emails spilling the proverbial beans of our lives. and even though that doesn’t seem like much….it’s meant a lot to me.
last week, i met a different girl. this girl is every bit as wonderful as the other. and i can’t, for the life of me, figure out how i’ve managed to avoid meeting beautiful and intelligent women for months and years at a time….and within one month….i’ve met two. this circumstance is the personification of my life. so this girl and i talk for hours at a time on the phone. she lives in baltimore, and therefore, is in a better position for me to see her on a somewhat daily basis. things progress with this girl quickly and soon i find myself in a quandary. i let myself get wrapped up in one situation….and the other one sort of lessened due to the nature of it. now i feel like the sort of asshole that i’ve spent years of my life trying not to be. am i overreacting? probably. but if i don’t….then i just may fall into what i’m trying to avoid. it’s a neverending system of absurd checks and balances.
so i could certainly think of worse situations for a young man to be in. and i, for one, never thought i’d be in a situation like this. i hate feeling like i need to choose. not because i’m trying to juggle two people….it’s more that choosing has conotations of one being better than the other…..which just isn’t the case here. i’m more concerned about hurting one girl or the other….because i’ve been on the other end….and it’s never nice. or i could be completely full of shit….and neither actually care what the hell i do. i just want to do the right thing…..and i don’t want to fuck up. either way….i do realize that i’m being overly dramatic about this…..but would you have read this far if i wasn’t? thanks for listening.