Monthly Archive for March, 2003

the new settlement.

rectification. (39k image)last night….i had a conversation that opened my eyes to a few things that i wasn’t completely aware of. i mean….i knew what i was doing…..but i didn’t really think it was a problem. i thought i had complete control over it….and i think that maybe i don’t anymore. which really concerns me. i’m not ashamed of it…..which is why i’m able to post about it here. it’s something that i’m able to talk openly about. so i’m not in denial. but i think the real problem is that i don’t know if i can change it. and now i can’t stop thinking about it.

i guess it started when i decided to get healthy. my weight was always an issue with me….and i was so unhappy. depression was just a part of my life that i acccepted and lived with. and then i just had enough. and i got on this super disciplined diet. and within about a year and a half….i lost about sixty pounds. i was in disbelief. i was a completely different person…..inside and out. i was happy. sort of. i had to be so conscious of everything now. everything that i ate….everything that i did….everytime i was feeling down. i had to be on top of everything. it’s part of that discipline.

when i moved to baltimore….just by getting out of a place where crap food was king….i lost another ten pounds by eating what i wanted….rather than eating what was in front of me. that was probably in the first two months i was here. and now….i’ve dropped another ten with this exercise regiment i’ve put myself on. and i don’t know exactly what my weight should be….i’m 6’2….and now 175 pounds. so i’ve had to entertain conversations with friends….with family….and last night, with my girlfriend….about them being concerned that i have a problem. i didn’t think it was really a *problem* until last night when i really looked at what i’m doing.

i still don’t think i have an eating disorder. when i think of eating disorders….i think of after school specials…..”jenny, eat something!” that’s just not me. well….maybe it is. i guess now that i’m aware of it….i’ll be more conscious of it. but i still don’t know how to change it. i have to sit down and figure out a way that i can start eating at least 1200 calories a day. that’s healthy, right? i dunno. i have to educate myself soon before this goes too far. and i feel like i’m on the exact opposite side of things i was two years ago now. i just want to get it right. for a change.

modulator, voltage controlled mixer or CV attenuator

you know, you typical run of the mill triple vca with modulator - triple_vca (10k image)Today was a fun-filled day of taxes. Typically they are pretty damn simple. I mean i have normal investments, a pretty steady income from a 9-5 day job, bank accounts and what not. In recent years I had the bright idea of starting my own business in running a record label, and little did i know how much of a headache it would be in settling with the government. All in all i have come ahead in all cases as i can write off pretty much anything related to the label, but it sure has been a long trip. Personal property and schedule “c” forms are pretty darn nuts and seem to be the bane of my existance. I think after this tax run it should be pretty straight forward aside from royalty payments. But that i am sure i’ll be able to figure out with the help of my accountant and my brother in law. Among other things I finally worked out the details with my Roth IRA fund. More so, my Father explained to me the details surround this enigma. I calculated the figures for my fund and even if i only invest the $3000 i did this year, when I turn 60 that $3000 will be worth over $50000. That’s still a conservative number with typical inflation and interest rates. And considering i’ve been doing this for 3 years and i plan to continue this for the rest of my life, retirement is gonna be a nice thing. French Riviera here i come. That or Montreal.

maybe i’ll even make it to the moon to claim those Hasselblads.

So after the tax madness, I got some Subway, then I came home (I did my taxes with the pops at their home) and pretty much crashed on the couch to some VH1 Classics. It’s Metal Madness weekend and it’s rather easy to fall asleep to Slayer and/or Dio. I had a blazing headache from all the number crunching and it was nice to just lay there on my couch and later awake to Charlie Sheen in the Chase. Quite possibly the most lame movie ever, but seeing Henry Rollins as an overzealous cop is so worth it. Flea and Anthony Keidis add to the fun as well. It’s Saturday, it’s 1.15. It’s time for bed.

lets see, what did I do all day?

more pussy than you could handle - joseyandthepussycats (17k image)Why my GF rocks me:

  • she’s not in san francisco anymore
  • she worked out a better deal with mark d than planned for omr
  • she takes photographs with me
  • she smells good
  • she makes me laugh until i have a little pee leakage
  • she has three pussies
  • she can cook a burger like no one’s business
  • she’s not conservative
  • she has more dreams than me
  • she speaks more than two languages
  • she can read, and lots
  • she has a political radio show
  • she designed the best website ever
  • she fell in love with takoma park, too
  • she has hobbies
  • she keeps my head up high
  • she has no social disorders
  • she likes funkadelic
  • she likes polaroids, like i do
  • she gets along great with my music life partner
  • she’s my own personal gps system, in more ways than one