Monthly Archive for May, 2005

Page 2 of 9

Mat’s out on assignment…

…so I thought I’d come fill in for him. I’m Emily. This is a momentary hostile takeover. Witness the conversation of a few moments ago:

Mat: Hello?
Emily: Hi. What’s your password?
Mat: For what?
Emily: For Elysium Mons. The Blog.
Mat: Oh, I dunno. Did you try the usual ones?
Emily: Oh, yes. I tried them all. [Insert textbook list of horribly obvious and easily detectable passwords here.]
Mat: What’s my favorite [insert clue here]?
Emily: Oh!


Emily: No, that wasn’t it.
Mat: What did you try?
Emily: [Insert wrong-but-too-close-to-divulge password here.]
Mat: Try it with [insert another clue here].
Emily: Oh! Yes, that’s it!
Mat: Wait, what are you trying to get into?
Emily: Oh, nothing. Bye!!


And so here I am. As much as I’d like to say that I arrived on the scene today out of compassion for those without EM (guffaw, no coincidence, eh?) reading material for the last couple days, the reality is that my motivation is more likely linked to the fact that I just finished a 20 oz of COKE! Yowza!

Now that might sound like small potatoes to some of you fiends, but those of you who know me know that caffeine does amazing and unnatural things to my neurological system. For instance, though I can’t feel them, I can see that my fingers are currently flying across this keyboard faster than my brain can dispatch electrons. Therefore, I, Emily, the person of sound mind can not be held reponsible for what my unsound body might do (or type).

Mat knows this. He often feigns wretched agony upon learning that I have ingested caffeine, as if his life will never be the same. And yet he toys with me. Twice recently he’s gone out for pizza in the evening, only to return with a “treat” for me. A 20 oz. of COKE! We peacefully nosh on our pie, after which he disappears into the Internet, resurfacing at midnight, seeming surprised that the bedroom furniture is not where he left it. “Oh, I thought I heard something,” he says.


I’m beginning to think it’s a ploy. I think he realizes that Emily-on-Caffeine is not just a tourist destination, it’s a way to get things done. When I’ve had a COKE (!), I morph into an extrovert. I’m a networking fool. I can schmooze on the phone. I can brainstorm a whole new solar system. I can lift a West Elm Platform Bed with a wink of the eye and a twist of the pinkie. I’m fucking Barbara Eden.

Until I come down. Then I’m more like Larry Hagman, circa the “Dallas” era. [Eek. Shiver.] He was one baaaad mother. Much like myself when I’ve come down from a caffeine binge (aka a 20 oz COKE). Crabby moody caffeine-low Emily could and would kick PMS-Emily’s tender butt any day of the week. And that’s saying something.

Actually, on second thought, that might be a good way to get rid of PMS-Emily. Hm, I might be onto something here. I’ll call WWF and set it up. Of course, I’ll have to wait until my next caffeine high before I can work it on the phone. ‘Cause I think I’m coming down now.

Boo. Sorry, Mat. See you at home. [Smooches.]


I am in the middle of watching the first season of 24 on DVD. Actually I only have 4 more hours left. I watched all the other seasons, but had never seen the first. It’s amazing and is filling in a bunch of hole for me. And actually tonight is the season finale. Yay. 2-hours of fun!

George Mason: Have you noticed, wherever you go there’s a body count?

Outside Water Faucet

outside water faucet1/125 sec.