Soundtrack of the day: New Order, Frente, Dinosaur Jr, Sonic Tooth, PanAsonic, Tortoise, Echo and the Bunnyman (thanks John)
So I have probably seen every damn forwarded email out there known to mankind as I was one of those nerdy kids who played with BBS’s in the 80s when all you people made fun of me for using a computer. Look who’s laughing now! Ah hahahaha. Still though, it was the days, when it took 3 days to send an email to the next state using FidoNet. Anyways…I got this forwarded email from the Jessica, our resident writer/house of style lady. Props and do laugh you foo’
Oh yeah. I forgot to say: Yuval Gabay emailed me this morning to remind me of the Chris Whitley show. Is that not cool?! I impressed myself! Or maybe Yuval did. Echo and the Bunnymen are odd. I thought they would be more mopey.
HOW TO BE ANNOYING
Adjust the tint on your tv so that all the people are green,
and insist to others that you “like it that way”.
Sing the Batman theme incessantly.
Staple papers in the middle of the page.
Specify that your drive-through order is “to go”.
Honk and wave to strangers.
Begin all your sentences with “ooh la la!”
Leave someones printer in compressed-italic-cyrillic-landscape mode.
ONLY TYPE IN UPPERCASE.
only type in lowercase.
dont use any punctuation either
Tie jingle bells to all your clothes.
Repeat everything someone says, as a question.
Write “X – BURIED TREASURE” in random spots on all of someone’s roadmaps.
Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: “Do you hear that?” “What?” “Never mind, it’s gone now.”
When Christmas carolling, sing “Jingle Bells, Batman smells” until physically restrained.
Wear a cape that says “Magnificent One”.
As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
Stand over someone’s shoulder, mumbling, as they read.
Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.
Pretend your mouse is a CB radio, and talk to it.
Drive half a block.
Name your dog “Dog”.
Inform others that they exist only in your imagination.
Reply to everything someone says with “that’s what YOU think.”
Cultivate a Norwegian accent. If Norwegian, affect a Southern Drawl.
Forget the punchline to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a “real hoot”.
Routinely handcuff yourself to furniture, informing the curious that you don’t want to fall off “in case the big one comes”.
Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with a can of Lysol.
Deliberately hum songs that will remain lodged in co-workers’ brains,
such as “Feliz Navidad”, the Archies’ “Sugar” or the Mr. Rogers theme song.
While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.
Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day.
Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars
to see if they slow down. (Note: not reccomended in New Orleans)
Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.
Sing along at the opera.
Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your “imaginary friend”.
Ask your co-workers mysterious questions, and scribble their answers
in a notebook.
Incessantly recite annoying phrases, such as “sticky wicket isn’t cricket.”
Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times.
Scuff your feet on a dry, shaggy carpet and seek out victims.
Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you’ll be saying more any moment.
Never make eye contact.
Never break eye contact.
Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.
Construct your own pretend “tricorder”, and “scan” people with it,
announcing the results.