Tag Archive for 'driving'

mat is a whiny pretentious know it all son of a bitch

soundgarden (13k image)On my way to work I was driving toward the Rockville Pike. There was a Lexus in front of me and a BMW to my side. The Lexus and myself were turning right. The BMW man wanted to get in and sort of inched his way up in front of the Lexus man. The Lexus man wailed on his horn. God forbid a measly BMW get in front of his ego. So after a few friendly hand gestures from the two astute men, the BMW man got in front of the Lexus. Damn was Mr. Lexus pissed. While waiting at the next upcoming light the Lexus man was so pissed he actually had the gall bladder to go over the double yellow and jump back in front of the BMW. The Lexus man decided that was too much and turned around and he was never to be seen again. My god. This is the world I live in, inside of my middle of the road Buick. This is why I am from *Rockville* and not that “P” word. Makes me proud.

Last night after work I headed to Becca’s house. I had to drop off her doo-rag that I’d had for way too long. Granted the pink doo-rag did look splendid on me, it was time to give it up as she really missed it. I also picked up my CD player that had been in her car for ages. Yah! After that I headed up to Baltimore. I got to Emily’s place a little early and was sitting outside of her apartment on the stair wall, and this crack head looking woman came up to me and asked me first for matches. She sat down with me and started being chatty. “Damn, yo, I hope my friend downtown has some money.” I really didn’t understand anything she said, except that. She then asked me for a smoke. I handed her one, cos bizarrely enough, I had some in my pocket. She then asked me for some matches again! Matches? I didn’t have any. I lit her smoke with a zippo. Then she got up, and as this other man was walking by she accosted him. “Do you have any matches?” What up with those matches?

Emily finally strolled up a few minutes later in her cooley ass orange hat. We went up and her cats played in my hair for a bit then Emily took a shower and I watched the Drew Carey show for a bit. I actually laughed out loud a few times. Lisa Loeb was on that show once I recall. We went to the Paper Moon for dinner. I got a WEED BURGER. Yummy! It may have been better than a BOCCA burger. But I think I really ordered that because I got to say “Weed Burger” – I got really good fries as well, that Emily stole lots of. Bad Emily! The desserts looked so delectable, but Mr. Tummy was sooooo full. After dinner we went to Blockbuster to rent THE GRINCH. It was weird cos Jim Carey rarely sounded like Jim Carey. It was a good movie (for the most part) as Jim Carey wasn’t his cliche self. Um. Then I left and came home and checked my email that was filled with copious amounts of gay porn. How do they know? I think I fell asleep almost instantly. Oh yeah, and this morning I broke out again. I think Emily’s cats are killing me. It seems to only be when they are in close proximity to me. Cos when she locked them in the other room I was completely fine. And today Laura (my co-worker) brought in 4 Soundgarden CDs. Screaming Life/Fopp EP, Louder Than Love, Flower EP, Ultramega OK. Hiro Yamamoto even plays on two of them. I just love saying his name. Hiro Yamamoto. Say it. SAY IT! Yes, outloud. Do it. DO IT! It’s even fun to write: Hiro Yamamoto.