Tag Archive for 'Jesus'

I Am A God Warrior

Tonight we watched Trading Spouses on Fox. I think it was a repeat or a best-of or something. I felt like we had seen a similar show like this before but it was different tonight.

Regardless, tonight’s episode was a doozie. Shit, if they are all this nuts, I might have to spend some more time on the Fox Network. Interesting equation. Crazy people and Fox Network. Hmmm.

Anyways. The Perrin Family was religious and the mother, Marguerite, was just downright psychotic, irrational and obsessive with her relationship with Jesus and her religiousness. The father appeared dislocated and distant, from what I feel was a defense or a survival mechanism. The kids appeared typical but restrained. At first, Marguerite, was just annoying and then you began to pity her. Not to mention feeling for the children that actually have to live with this insanity. And then it just became a circus and was humorous. The other family was just some neo-hippie family that believed in astrology and that was simply too much for a Jesus-totin’ woman from Louisiana to handle.

It is television at it’s finest, I tell you.

In house news, our kitchen sink got clogged up this evening for the first time. We tried the key on the bottom of the disposal. Even that elusive “reset” button. We tried the vinegar and baking soda. But what worked was the plunger. The last resort fixed the problem on the second plunge. I love simple machines.

And last but not least, my favorite Marguerite Perrin quotes from the show:

You look like Jesus, so I’m comfortable.

Find me a church!

SHE’S NOT A CHRISTIAN!! AHHHHHHHH!

Get the hell out of my house! In Jesus’ name, I pray.

She was tampering in dark-sided stuff! Gargoyles! Psychics!

Everything is ungodly!

Happy Christmahanukwanzikah

I am typing this from my father-in-law’s laptop while we finish watching the extras of Season 1 of LOST. He just left for a client’s football game. He’ll be back soon.

It’s pretty amazing that I’ve never posted on this date in the history of OM.

Nan said, “Happy Birthday, Baby Jesus,” at dinner when she said grace. It was nice. Christmas is always great here. Xmas eve was hectic hitting up 4 people’s houses. It wasn’t as bad as I thought, however… Yay family!

Tomorrow is lunch with Sara Marcus and dinner-time with Kier and her Mother. Somewhere in between there we need to hit up Home Crapo to pick up a washer/dryer tub. Yay. But at least the washer/dryer will be on the 2nd floor. Hells yeah.

Happy Birthday Baby Jesus

It’s that second time of year again when the Christians come out and are Christians for a bit and the Jews and other non-Christians feel that much more alientated, out-of-place and reminded about their minority in America. Perhaps this is why many Jews have such a complex about Channukah. But then again, we’re not the one’s trying to find the “largest tree” – Now that’s a complex! And sorry, Sister Christian, but there is no Jew on earth who has a Channukah bush. That’s insane.

I actually enjoy the whole Christmas thing. The lights, the music, the vibe, the family, the lack of religion. It is interesting how it’s the quintisential Christian holiday and yet it’s hardly religious. Don’t get me wrong, I am completely fine with that. Religion is kinda a scam anyways.

What really gets me is at work during this time of year when people say, “Have a blessed day.” Screw you! Blessed my ass. If I wanted to bless something or be blessed I would have asked. I don’t need your stinkin’ blessing. Like the “cuss jar” there should be a “religion jar” and anytime a stranger says something Jesus-like, they should have to pay you $20. Or bake you cookies or something. I’d support backrubs, too. Car washes would be acceptable. Christmas is a time of giving anyways, right?

Which reminds about Mr. Eaton (my high school Latin teacher). Whenever someone would say “god bless you” after a sneeze in class he would stop what he was doing and say, “Was a blessing really necessary?” – He was serious as all hell. I think that’s where the true admiration started. Shit takes balls in a Christian dominated society.

…off to go put my kippah back on.

And don’t forget to check out the latest Jib Jab. Always classic.