Tag Archive for 'Shawn'

czar paws thwart chinks

yum!From the Shawn files…what a freak of nature this Shawn boy is. I guess this is yet another downfall of what college can do to you, or how it can entertain two chaps at the Discovery Channel or neither of the above…

Dear John,

Sorry about the less than enthralling conversation last night, I didn’ t mean to put you to sleep. My mind is currently preoccupied by dirty papers and tests that are all due this week which greatly influence my fun factor. It’s out of control. I definitely need a hug or something to cheer me up. I promise after my last test on Thursday I’ll be much more positive and gleeful for the Versus show. I should be happy anyway; Icee Bear is no longer on probation.

Last night after I called you, Kristin and I went to CVS because her hole still itches (perhaps you don’t want to hear about this but I have to tell someone.) She thinks it might be pinworm or hemorrhoids. I think she might just need to shower more or wear less thong underwear. The amount of anti-anal-itch creams CVS had was overwhelming. I almost became teary-eyed. After a long debate over whether Preparation H or Anusol (I am not making this up) was right for her, she chose Preparation H because it has more publicity. I guess she’s never heard the slogan, Before you can say Anusol.

Okay, my break is up. Kristin rendered me useless last night after we went shopping for butt products and shoes so I went to bed and I am now working all day, nonstop on these sordid papers that are due tomorrow. I’ll talk to you soon. Versus will be fun. Unrelated: Stevie Wonder is an amazing artist. His song about holidays is exquisite!

Shawn

55 million watt power cord

john d is rockPeople who genuinely make me laugh outloud deserve to keep on rockin’ in the free world:

From: “Shawn Schwartz < *******@hotmail.com>
To: john****@netscape.net
Subject: And you call yourself black!
Date: Tue, 17 Oct 2000 11:50:59 EDT

Hey John,

Yeah, well the only reason I kept up with TLC is because my roommate likes them. He even has a T-shirt. The story goes like this. Left-eye, the nasal voiced one with the black streak under her left eye, burnt down her rich ex-boyfriend’s mansion, was convicted, and did community service. This was in her condom-eyeglasses wearing days in the early 90s. More recently TLC has put out a song called “No Scrubs” with a line that says, “I don’t want no scrub, a scrub is a guy that can’t get no love from me, hanging on the passenger side of his best friend’s ride, trying to holler at me.” Now although TLC gives a fine definition of the word “scrub” within this song, little is said about “holler.” Let’s refer to the Webster’s (AKA Emmanuel
Lewis’) Dictionary of Ebonics. A holler is a way in which a man tries to get a woman’s attention with a call, similar to that of cats in heat. You may be wondering how I became so educated on this topic; it’s in my roots.

My last name means black.

I wish I had a wheelchair. They’re so much fun. I guess it’s more fun not to be handicapped. I didn’t mean to get your hopes up.
Bush sex in Cherokee Park used to be one of the only ways to meet
gay men in Louisville. Needless to say, I didn’t have many gay friends while growing up. In Louisville, the more lesions you have the more popular you are.

I think we’re going to eat at Mama Iesha’s. It’s in the Adam’s Morgan
area. The food there is Mediterranean or something like that. There’s definitely pita involved. After that we’ll play it by ear. DCCD is open until 12:00 or later. I almost worked there last year but they only wanted me to work late hours.

Don’t let me forget to tell you about the National High School Cheerleading Championships. They were great! I’ll see you around 6:30. I hope this misty weather ends soon.

Shawn