leather and lace

the stevie diariesWHERE AMERICA WENT WRONG by elle

Please tell me you have seen commercials for this movie.

Bad things about ”The Princess Diaries”

1. The movie is titled “The Princess Diaries” It should be soft-core porn. Like “Red Shoe Diaries”
2. Julie Andrews is in it. Julie Andrews is an asshole.
3. The directors, brains made of cottage cheese, think the lead character is an “ugly duckling” because they portray her wearing glasses and having curly hair.
4. Again, the movie is titled “The Princess Diaries”
5. Stick a red-hot poker dripping with syphilis in my eye please. Right now.
6. There are so many more, I can’t even continue.

Good things about The Princess Diaries”

1. Mentally imbalanced women everywhere will think they are Princess of Made Up Countries. Like Genovia. Or Ghonorhea. I myself am Princess Chlymidia, Long Lost Heir to the Throne of Diptheria.
2. That’s all.

I retract previous statements. I am a stupid, stupid girl. Bring on the monkeys. Maybe they’ll eat the writers of this cinematic experience for a snack.

My personal Wiccan princess is Stevie Nicks. I wish I could read her drug-induced diary. I wish I could see Stevie Nicks and Julie Andrews at a cocktail party together. I wish I could see Stevie Nicks devour Julie Andrews in one big old gulp. Yum.

Speaking of which, I’m hungry.

PS Why wasn’t STEVIE in “Planet of the Apes?” That would have been cherry. Stevie 2004.

4 Responses to “leather and lace”

  • How in Hell did you work the classic “Red Shoe Diaries” into that. Masterful, my dear.


  • i thought it was one of the redgrave sisters in that film…haven’t paid much attention to commercials really…but that’s what the woman made me think of; vanessa redgrave . i’m sure i’m wrong. it does look like a terrible film though

  • out here in la LA land (Hollywood) they (Disney) threw a little tea party (select screening) for hundreds of little princesses (little girls dressed in Disney princess costumes and fake plastic tiaras) and their royal subjects (families).
    It was a sight for sore eyes (gah!)


  • I hate it when any movie puts forth that stupid “ugly duckling” ideal. Bleugh

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