Screw the Recording Acadamy. It’s My Turn At The Grammy’s.

Screw the Recording Acadamy. It’s the Matty’s this year.

Record Of The Year

  • Here We Go Again – Ray Charles featuring, Norah Jones
  • Let’s Get It Started – The Black Eyed Peas
  • American Idiot – Green Day
  • Heaven – Los Lonely Boys
  • Yeah! – Usher featuring, Lil’ Jon

    And the winner goes to The Black Eyed Peas. We all know that they brought on the girl as record sales were slumping. Bring on the girl and have her gyrate is every direction, give her lip injections and pump up her boobs and every 15 year old boy will buy this record. Maybe some college kids too. Oh yeah, that and because she’s so very talented. And sometimes It is nice to see middle age punkers from California making fun of good ol’ GW. If it’s funny to me, it must be funny to middle America. Usher gets props too, as he can spell his name “Usher” or “Ursher” and people still know what you are talking about. That my friend is cool. I spell my name with one “T” and people have a conniption fit.

    Album Of The Year

  • American Idiot – Green Day
  • Confessions – Usher
  • Genius Loves Company – Ray Charles
  • The College Dropout- Kanye West
  • The Diary Of Alicia Keys – Alicia Keys

    Alicia Keys should have won based on the sole fact of paying homage to Ozzy Osbourne. Green Day also gets props for still being alive. Usher almost won, but his tits are looking a little flabby these days and needs to come up with one more way to spell his name. But the award goes to Kanye West because Al loves him so much. Just as much as Mat loves Frank Zappa. I feel that love and it penetrates through the Awards.

    Song Of The Year

  • Daughters – John Mayer
  • If I Ain’t Got You – Alicia Keys
  • Jesus Walks – Kanye West
  • Live Like You Were Dying – Tim McGraw
  • The Reason – Hoobastank

    The Award should be given to Hoobastank because we all love a short front man. Almost as much as Glen Danzig. But this is reality. We really give awards to people with the best hair. That’s right. The Song of the Year award is really just a scam to give an award to that artist with the best hair. So this year the Grammy for Song of the Year goes to Alicia Keys. Now go get a deal with Aqua Net, Alicia.

    Best New Artist

  • Kanye West
  • Los Lonely Boys
  • Maroon 5
  • Joss Stone
  • Gretchen Wilson

    Well first off we can scratch out Maroon 5. They were great when they played our lunch room (when I worked @ DC101) and covered Nine Inch Nail’s CLOSER in it’s complete entirety. Solo section and all. But it’s not about wank factor. Or cool Arp 2600’s. Or in their case a harmonium. Los Lonely Boys have an interesting name. Combining the Latin (and Latin is so hip these days – or rather, Latin is so Latin these days. We don’t want to confuse the kids with “hip hop”) sounds of Los Lobos and the sounds of the ex-Ratt singer’s Bulletboys you have one helluva name. Oh yeah, and put “Lonely” in there somewhere because everyone loves that vague factor. But that doesn’t cut it here. Oh no. Joss Stone? Great first record. There was a winner. Kanye West? He’s new? Shit. I’ve been giving Al his 12″s for years. Or at least 2. (Speak of which, Al, I have a few more for you – It’s the last installment of 12″s) Shit. But the winner goes to the Illinios-born Gretchen Wilson. She not a Beach Boy offspring, which I am not sure is a good or bad thing and with a name like Gretchen, she almost deserves to win. Good for her. She deserves a slap on the back. Or a slap on her redneck back. Next time I get the chance I am going to brag I am from the suburbs. I am going to make it cool, man. Hells yes. The ‘burbs man! It’s real. And I’ll make a movie and it will be called “8 Miles from the City”. For real, yo.

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