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it’s not Treat, but it’s the best I could findName: Elle
Age: Mid Twenties
Sign: Capricorn
Justify Your Existence: To rock you, like a hurricane

OM Thoughts

Mat got me thinking, and thinking is rare.

His attractions, it seems, are to hobbies and intensity. I find this fascinating.
Two things I am not:

A) intense
B) in possession of any real hobbies

But, I do have passion. Do you want to know what fuels me? What sends me over the brink, into loin-quivering madness, MADNESS I tell you, as I sit here at my office desk, eyes glazed over, corners of my mouth dripping in potato chip crumbs from lunch (yes, it’s 4:00 pm)


I love candy. I want candy. Candy, candy, candy. I can’t let you go. Sex and Candy. Missing you like Candy. Strangers with Candy. “We get along so well, candy girl.” Candy by the Pound. Candy came back. Candy Everybody Wants. I got to 7-11 to check out the new and improved candy. Candy and forties.

I’ll stop now. Intense.

The Gift

You can never say we aren’t romantic.

Sig Other bought me a gift when we were down South a few months ago. He spent his hard-earned money in a Boone, NC gas station, high in the Applachians, just to make moi happy. Elle, being the horribly callous girlfriend that she is, promptly put the lovely present in Sig Other’s glove compartment and forgot about it. I guess I’m just lucky no one stole the damn thing when we broke the back window last week.

I owe him a most sincere apology. Rebuking this gift was like rebuking a piece of his soul. I am so, so so so SO very sorry.

The gift? Well, you can never beat the canned pseudo-meat Treat® This can of meaty-like goodness was quite a present. Like Spam, only much, much, much more horrifyingly generic; and therefore horrifyingly amusing. I wish I had a picture of it, but my camera is on the fritz. Just use your imagination if you will. There are many SPAM references out there on the internet, but no glory for it’s little bastard stepbrother, TREAT. One of you homies needs to get on that. www.treatmeat.com. I bet someone out there is the Treat Queen. If not, I’d like to volunteer myself for the position. World Peace and TREAT for all! Let them eat Treat! And Mike & Ikes.

I can’t wait to put The Gift in a cupboard of our very own someday. Him, myself, and the BEST GIFT EVER. Growing cantankerous, obese, and decrepit together.

Fun Stuff



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