i won’t be home no more.

beyond the sunset. (11k image)i was just calling to find out when he was going to be in ohio. i had to schedule the move the day before he got there. i tried to contact him earlier in the day….but i just got his voicemail. i waited a few hours….figuring that he was in a remote area. when i finally got through….i heard his voice. he was breathing heavily….and his voice was very faint. i didn’t think too much of it at first….and i just went into the normal protocol….i explained to him that he was to pick up the vehicle by friday….and that’s when i heard him struggling. i asked him if he was ok…and he said he didn’t know what to do….he sort of trailed off….and then he said that he was having chest pains and that he was on his way to the hospital. i didn’t quite understand what was going on….it happened so quickly. then he hung up.

i called him back but i only got his voicemail. about an hour later….i got a phone call from my manager saying that she got a call from a hospital in texas. apparently….he had a heart attack. i said i knew….because i was talking to him while he was in the midst of it. what do you do in that situation? i had no idea where he was….who to call….it was fuct. i was completely helpless. he did make it to the hospital and was under their care. he’s not going to make it home for the holiday….he’ll be about two thousand miles away from his family. merry christmas.

i‘ve never experienced anything like that before. i’ve never been so close to….well….death, i guess. not to be so morbid….but if he wasn’t near a city or community….he may have died. i could’ve been his last conversation. that could’ve been the last voice he heard. maybe i’m being a bit over dramatic about it….but it’s true. i have no idea what i’d do if that was me. i can’t begin to imagine what was going through his mind at that point. what would i think about if i was in that situation?

i really don’t think about death or the end of everything much. i think that’s probably reserved for poets and older people. i guess i’m still under the impression that i’m immortal. but it’s not so. you can go as quickly as he almost did. and i guess i should learn something by my experience today. the most generic lesson would be the adage of living each day to it’s fullest….but i never bought into that. i don’t think i learned anything today….except that i don’t want to die alone.

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