philiflash:: you think they call and check?

blue_streak (15k image)So i got thru another year of Christmas without puking Jesus out my anus. In fact i had a great Christmas, the best one yet. Last night me and Emily went over to her Mother’s place for a nicely microwavedly reheated dinner. Then we exchanged gifts. It was nice and quaint and the exact bi-polar opposite from what was to happen later in the night. Emily’s mother and boyfriend were very nice and we exchanged gifts very much like i image they would in the 50s. Beaver?

So pretty much anyone who has known me for more than 30 minutes knows that I cant digest milk or milk products. It’s just bad news. I eat that stuff and my pooh goes liquid instantly. It’s pretty damn unpleasant for everyone involved. So what does Emily’s mother prepare? Ham, that’s fine sans the microwaving part. And then come the buttermilk biscuits, and greenbeans in a cream sauce and creamy mashed pototoes. Genius. I could only have the ham. Sometimes people are so self consumed and oblivious, but whatever. And it didnt end there, they got all these desserts with cream filling and butter cookies. It was almost funny to think about what they would bring out next. “Would you like a glass of milk, Mat?” And i am not ungrateful, but they could have said something like, “I realize you are lactose intolerant, is there something else we can get you?” But alas, I am the non-goy and she is the goy. It was her day anyways. Yeah, Baby Jesus! We deal. But next time either I am cooking or i am eating else where. Jesus Christ. I really dont have much else to say about that. I think the gift exchanging was the highlight of that part of the night. Cos the rest of it i was fearing what might happen to my asshole and digestive system and fearing what was going on in Emily’s head about her Mother. But i did come up with a few great activities for when she meets my mother. I’ve narrowed it down to 3 things. 1. Climbing ladders on the side of the house (ideally when it’s raining); 2. Ice hockey; & 3. Cross country skiing. All things that will be great for her new knee. She should get out anyways! Har har.

So after my Christmas dinner trauma was over, we journeyed to Emily’s father’s place in Baltimore. We talked all night and then just went to bed. In the moring we opened gifts and just talked all day still in our comfortable yet stinky pajamas. We had of breakfast of organic eggs (and get this, they werent “cooked” in a microwave!) and chicken sausage. Then we played with our Christmas gifts and talked and watched Bob’s sports DVDs, and watch Christmas Vacation with Chevy Chase and napped until it was dinner time. Then we ate again. Nan (Emily’s cool step mother) cooked a ham (in an OVEN! A fucking marvel of technology.), Green Bean Caserole, stuffing and mashed potatoes. It was splendid, even though I passed on the potatoes. So all in all, Christmas rocked with Emily’s Family. Emily’s family is quite fun and full of chatty people who always have something interesting to talk about. And nothing is better than a family that curses like a sailor. Aww yeah. HAPPY BABY JESUS DAY! Oh yeah and best of all Emily loved her Bjork boxset I got her. And I am totally enthralled with the 4×5 handmade wood box camera she bought me. Time to learn pin hole photography!

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